I jotted these down while I was watching last night, and have tried to stay away from social media until posting them in order to maintain their originality–but I’m secretly hoping these are repetitive of others’ thoughts, because then I feel vindicated.
1. When’s the scary lady with the black hair gonna go away
2. This is LL Cool J’s one remaining purpose in life.
3. I’ve never heard of the song that Jessie J and Tom Jones are currently performing, AKA “one of the most beloved songs of the 20th Century” apparently.
4. Thank God for John Legend’s wife trying to sing along with ^^
5. Pharrell’s date is wearing a spacesuit.
6. While “Happy” makes me want to kill myself, PHARRELL’S ACCEPTANCE SPEECH. That is all.
7. *Time out for one thought I forgot to write about the Super Bowl: the only thing I know with certainty in this world is that girl in the Carl’s Jr. commercial has never eaten a cheeseburger in her life.
8. I’m a frequenter of the maternity section so I’m surprised I’ve never seen Rihanna’s dress before.
9. That Mountain Dew commercial tho.
10. That StubHub commercial though…
11. When LL Cool J says, “…from my home, the Staples Center,” I believe it–he probably lives in the rafters.
12. I thought Kanye’s performance was a Verizon Wireless ad
13. That passive aggressive moment where LL Cool J said, “he definitely believes in himself” while introducing Kanye. LL just bitter.
14. WTF how short is Nicki Minaj
15. Madonna may be a terrible singer, but those thighs, the bedazzled antelope who ate her out on stage, and her Mariachi backup singer are everything.
16. Aww, the Patriots players trying to read the teleprompter is cute.
17. John Mayer really tried to contain THE FACE, but he ended up just looking like he was jacking off in a fit of Parkinson’s.
18. The Kim Kardashian-West moment where she refused to stand along with Kanye.
19. LL Cool J trying to pronounce “Hozier.”
20. The Kim Kardashian-West moment during Annie Lennox’s performance when she’s like “who is that?”
21. I may have to take back everything bad I’ve ever said about Katy Perry.
22. Paul McCartney lip syncing to Rihanna.
23. I think Kanye and Rihanna accidentally swapped pantsuits.
24. When the CBS announcer encourages viewers to Shazam the performances–why would you have to Shazam them? Literally everything you need to know about the song is happening right in front of your face.
25. How did Katy Perry go so quickly from wavy purple grey hair–>sleek straight jet black hair–>wavy purple grey hair
26. Every presenter is magically “friends” with the performer he/she introduces–like, please, you just met backstage 5 mins ago.
27. Juanes’ unibrow and full denim body suit FTW.
28. I think we can all agree on the reaction to Beck’s win: who did he have to fuck to get that, and Kanye, YES
29. Def thought the Grammys were over after Beck won–took my sleeping pills too early, not gonna make it.
30. WTF Shia LaBeouf
31. Def got Enrique Iglesias and Ricky Martin confused.
32. Katie Holmes’ makeup commercial Scientology jab: “I will take beauty into my own hands.”