And so it continues…

with my Starbucks stalker who is from Dubai. As you may or may not recall, I had the misfortune of meeting this guy a few weeks ago and failed at saying no when he asked for my number. Since then, I’ve become one murder-in-an-alley-with-body-parts-chopped-up-and-subsequently-dispersed-geographically-within-a-few-mile-radius away from becoming a cautionary tale. I’ve gotten the below texts from him, so I photographed them in their various stages, because I want you to feel the same Jaws theme-worthy, dreadful anticipation as you view them that I did in real time. Per my mother’s suggestion, I saved his # as “DO NOT ANSWER” as a would-be helpful reminder. But it turns out that being jolted by the sound of a text message while simultaneously looking down to see “DO NOT ANSWER” glaring at me menacingly, while I’m alone in the dark on the living room floor of my apartment and what I’m doing there isn’t important, is actually completely terrifying. So, once again, thanks, Mom.

*DUUN dun DUUN dun….

*WTF does this mean? Anyone? WHERE IS AUTOCORRECT WHEN YOU NEED IT.

*Perhaps the most menacing of them all, this appears to be a landscape orientation photograph of his head in silhouette as he lay on his bed. When I screen-shotted this to my mom, she aptly replied, “What is that?”

Now I know what he meant–he needs help with elementary spelling lessons and/or with mental health. And OMG I literally JUST noticed the auto fill options the iPhone gives you (“ok,” “yes,” “no”) IT’S OMNISCIENT AND KNOWS THAT I NEED TO JUST SAY “NO.”

Oh, I don’t know, after receiving these, I’m just SPLENDID.