You Know What’s Awkward?

When 3-yr old Rocco, one of the kids you’re volunteering with, repeatedly head-butts you in the crotch. And then he adds pushing you down into a chair via said crotch head-butting, and keeps his head in your crotch once you’re in a seated position. Things got uncomfortably intimate.

At other times, though, Rocco was NOT a fan of mine and wanted nothing to do with me. For example, I started to notice that he didn’t like to share. So I decided to teach him to share. My method was this: every time he pushed 2-yr old Ariel out of the way when she tried to play with whatever he was playing with, I told him to share. This quickly proved ineffective. So then I thought, ‘fine, if you’re not going to share with defenseless Ariel, you’re gonna share with me, because I can and will fight back.’ So I took an Elmo toy and gave him a matching one, and then encouraged him to share and play with me. He immediately tried wrenching the toy out of my hand, so I just held strong, telling him, “Rocco, you’re not going to get it from me, I’m stronger than you. I can be here all day,” and, “Rocco, you’re being kind of rude.” He then moved on to punching and hitting me, and telling me to “shut up” and “go away.” But still, I refused to budge.

But then, the tables miraculously turned. Ariel came back, and while Rocco still wasn’t really openly sharing with her, she’s the one who hit and/or bit him when she didn’t get her way. I kind of admired her balls and on the inside was secretly like, “you go girl! The bite is a nice move.” But in an effort to remain impartial, I told her to stop and commended Rocco on his surprising show of self-restraint in choosing not to fight back.

The best moment, though, was when a 4-yr old named Vanity just dropped trou and peed in the middle of the courtyard we were playing in. I was so proud of her–why should only males be allowed to pee in public? Leading the charge in the next wave of feminism.