Cheating: Let’s Discuss

I’m sure most of you are thinking, “what’s there to discuss?” You probably think there’s no excuse for infidelity and that it’s pretty unforgivable. But are we so sure about that? I mean, I’m tempted to agree that cheating is a dick thing to do in most cases, but aren’t there exceptions to every rule? Doesn’t the context in which the cheating happens help determine its ‘rightness’ or ‘wrongness’? As with most, if not all, things in life, I’m confused conflicted.

If you’re like me, and are kind of baffled by the concept of monogamy, cheating is understandable, at least. There’s of course the straightforward, if not unimaginative, biological argument–that we’re all supposed to be sowing our seed as widely as possible to propagate our genes. But, more so, the prospect of spending the majority of your life with one person–spending most of your time with them, living with them, having sex with only them–is kind of horrifying. For one, it sounds about as exciting as Hillary Clinton’s pantsuit collection. But also, it’s just plain unrealistic to think that’s sustainable. Peoples’ attention spans don’t last lifetimes–we’re like magpies/Jack in Will and Grace and shiny objects–we are easily diverted and want more! new! better! and we want it now!

So aren’t we all kind of micro-cheating every day? Even if you think cheating is wrong and are devoted to your monogamy, you can’t deny that we ALL look around and appreciate others’ attractiveness, we ALL flirt around, and we ALL fantasize about other people, whether we are in a monogamous relationship or not. Isn’t that super depressing? As much as I would love to believe it’s possible and feasible and tenable to be passionately in love with just one person until your dying day, if we’re being real, LOL.

And when people say “marriage takes work” or “marriage is hard, you have to work at it”–THEN WHY WOULD YOU EVER DO IT?! Like whenever something is going to be difficult, heartbreaking, hard work, whatever, isn’t the smart thing to do to run as far away as possible (or actually walk, because running is also too hard)? I mean, I certainly don’t approach my job, or exercise, or rational decision-making with a “Yeah! Let’s DO this!” attitude. And again, if we’re being honest with ourselves, I don’t think anyone really does.

Considering all of that, I would argue that it not only makes sense to me why people cheat, but we’re all cheating every day–if not in a physical, tangible way, at the very least we all have wandering eyes/minds. So isn’t a better, more understandable alternative to monogamy to have an open relationship outright? Isn’t that better than having one or both parties looking around, if not actually fooling around, all the time but just pretending to be monogamously devoted? I mean, as thankful as I am that we have shows like Cheaters and Ryan’s Roses, and frankly don’t know how I’d survive without them, it may work out better for humanity if we didn’t set ourselves up to fail by attempting the farce that is monogamy.

But, then again, if I had a boyfriend who cheated on me, I would probably send an email to everyone in his life vividly detailing every bit of his indiscretion–and I’m talking TO: or CC:, not BCC:–let’s get a nice “Reply All” chain going. So as understanding as I am of infidelity, I’m 100% a complete hypocrite. I don’t even personally love the idea of an open relationship–I’ve never been good at sharing. Like, when I was a kid, I would tape a sticky note around all of my yogurts in the fridge that said in caps “ALEX’S YOGURT” so my dad would not eat my yogurt. Even though he paid for it. But I digress.

Some people can totally get on board with “free love” and noncommittal relationships, but I’m not sure I can, and I think most of us can’t, at least ultimately (like maybe we can in our binge-drinking 20s, but when 30 rolls around and we realize that we’re not cool anymore, and never probably were, but we are just approaching death as our bodies become progressively more flabby, we probably want to cling onto someone else with a death grip for validation that WE’RE OK DON’T PANIC).

I mean really, what’s the alternative to monogamy if we can’t get on board with open relationships? I guess it’s just to die alone. Which actually doesn’t sound like the worst. Think about it–you’d have complete control over the remote always, so the TV would remain permanently on TLC (Bravo is also acceptable), you wouldn’t have to pretend to like your in-laws and buy them passive aggressive Christmas presents, you would never have to do that weird sex thing he likes, and you could shame-eat all the Fruity Pebbles in the world, but if no one was around to see it, did it really happen?

So, in conclusion, I don’t know.

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18 thoughts on “Cheating: Let’s Discuss

  1. triSARAHtops says:

    I once had a boyfriend ask me if it counted as cheating if he planned a surprise threesome but then started before I got there.
    These are some blurry lines, my friend.
    Adult situations are hard and I feel like the best option in life is to just clap your hands over your ears to block it all out and then take a nap.
    PS. I’m actually 100% against cheating, though I understand there are two sides to every story (even if a lot of the times the second side is just that one person is a jerky jerk face).

    Liked by 3 people

  2. emilypageart says:

    Hilary Clinton’s pantsuit collection is boring? How can you say that? I mean, there’s grey, and bluer grey, and greener grey, and pinker grey. And then there’s the WHOLE beige line. I mean really, what’s not to get excited about?

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Josh Wrenn says:

    I very much am in love with only my wife. But yes, I flirt, (Making sure everyone involved knows it is not to go anywhere.) I fantasize mostly about my wife (sometimes the situations involved are far from reality) but I don’t really fantasize about anyone else. My wife and I have changed a lot since we first got together and that makes it new and exciting all of the time. We have a great time together and I don’t see us ever getting bored of each other.
    That said monogamy might not be for everyone but if you are open and honest to everyone involved then it is not cheating. In my humble opinion.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. George says:

    Oh well, where do we go with this. My wife and I have been happily married for over forty years and we’ve known each other since third grade. I understand that’s unusual. Marriage and monogamy is not for everyone. Society tries to place everyone in the same box but it doesn’t work that way. Maybe one day you’ll find someone who will give you every reason to have the kind of relationship that is best for you, whatever that night be.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. ᴀ ɴᴇᴡ ʏᴏʀᴋ ᴍɪɴᴜᴛᴇ says:

    A fascinating subject matter. I have to admit that I’m frequently puzzled by quasi homonyms. For instance the words monogamy and monotony.

    Seriously though, if I were to read another blog now and their writing made me chuckle the way your writing does, would you consider that cheating on you?

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Flop til you drop "FTYD" says:

    I think it’s up to the participants of the relationship. I’m not sure, but Will Smith sure seems amazing to me and respectful of women, yet, it’s said he and Jada Pinkett Smith have an open marriage, which surprises me. (again, I don’t know if that’s true) As long as both parties involved clearly know the rules (set any boundaries ahead of time) then good for them. If I looked like Jada- I’d probably be okay with that arrangement, as well.

    It’s the sneaking around when it’s assumed you are true to one another…and if the other found out it would break their heart, no, that’s unacceptable. There wasn’t communication or one spouse/significant other wants more freedom for themselves, but not allow the other the same options. that’s BS

    Then you have your monogamous relationships that are never marriages, but have been together long enough to be recognized as married like Kurt Russell and Goldie Hawn.

    Whatever works, as long as the both parties are in agreement. I’ve been with my guy for 15 years, and married 11. It’s awesome. I’ve had plenty of experience prior to him to know my sex life doesn’t get better than what I’ve currently got (lucky girl here- every time) and a best friend, and a great dad. I can’t imagine either of us being interested elsewhere. We’re just too compatible that it doesn’t get better with someone else.

    Liked by 1 person

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