Cheating: Let’s Discuss

I’m sure most of you are thinking, “what’s there to discuss?” You probably think there’s no excuse for infidelity and that it’s pretty unforgivable. But are we so sure about that? I mean, I’m tempted to agree that cheating is a dick thing to do in most cases, but aren’t there exceptions to every rule? Doesn’t the context in which the cheating happens help determine its ‘rightness’ or ‘wrongness’? As with most, if not all, things in life, I’m confused conflicted.

If you’re like me, and are kind of baffled by the concept of monogamy, cheating is understandable, at least. There’s of course the straightforward, if not unimaginative, biological argument–that we’re all supposed to be sowing our seed as widely as possible to propagate our genes. But, more so, the prospect of spending the majority of your life with one person–spending most of your time with them, living with them, having sex with only them–is kind of horrifying. For one, it sounds about as exciting as Hillary Clinton’s pantsuit collection. But also, it’s just plain unrealistic to think that’s sustainable. Peoples’ attention spans don’t last lifetimes–we’re like magpies/Jack in Will and Grace and shiny objects–we are easily diverted and want more! new! better! and we want it now!

So aren’t we all kind of micro-cheating every day? Even if you think cheating is wrong and are devoted to your monogamy, you can’t deny that we ALL look around and appreciate others’ attractiveness, we ALL flirt around, and we ALL fantasize about other people, whether we are in a monogamous relationship or not. Isn’t that super depressing? As much as I would love to believe it’s possible and feasible and tenable to be passionately in love with just one person until your dying day, if we’re being real, LOL.

And when people say “marriage takes work” or “marriage is hard, you have to work at it”–THEN WHY WOULD YOU EVER DO IT?! Like whenever something is going to be difficult, heartbreaking, hard work, whatever, isn’t the smart thing to do to run as far away as possible (or actually walk, because running is also too hard)? I mean, I certainly don’t approach my job, or exercise, or rational decision-making with a “Yeah! Let’s DO this!” attitude. And again, if we’re being honest with ourselves, I don’t think anyone really does.

Considering all of that, I would argue that it not only makes sense to me why people cheat, but we’re all cheating every day–if not in a physical, tangible way, at the very least we all have wandering eyes/minds. So isn’t a better, more understandable alternative to monogamy to have an open relationship outright? Isn’t that better than having one or both parties looking around, if not actually fooling around, all the time but just pretending to be monogamously devoted? I mean, as thankful as I am that we have shows like Cheaters and Ryan’s Roses, and frankly don’t know how I’d survive without them, it may work out better for humanity if we didn’t set ourselves up to fail by attempting the farce that is monogamy.

But, then again, if I had a boyfriend who cheated on me, I would probably send an email to everyone in his life vividly detailing every bit of his indiscretion–and I’m talking TO: or CC:, not BCC:–let’s get a nice “Reply All” chain going. So as understanding as I am of infidelity, I’m 100% a complete hypocrite. I don’t even personally love the idea of an open relationship–I’ve never been good at sharing. Like, when I was a kid, I would tape a sticky note around all of my yogurts in the fridge that said in caps “ALEX’S YOGURT” so my dad would not eat my yogurt. Even though he paid for it. But I digress.

Some people can totally get on board with “free love” and noncommittal relationships, but I’m not sure I can, and I think most of us can’t, at least ultimately (like maybe we can in our binge-drinking 20s, but when 30 rolls around and we realize that we’re not cool anymore, and never probably were, but we are just approaching death as our bodies become progressively more flabby, we probably want to cling onto someone else with a death grip for validation that WE’RE OK DON’T PANIC).

I mean really, what’s the alternative to monogamy if we can’t get on board with open relationships? I guess it’s just to die alone. Which actually doesn’t sound like the worst. Think about it–you’d have complete control over the remote always, so the TV would remain permanently on TLC (Bravo is also acceptable), you wouldn’t have to pretend to like your in-laws and buy them passive aggressive Christmas presents, you would never have to do that weird sex thing he likes, and you could shame-eat all the Fruity Pebbles in the world, but if no one was around to see it, did it really happen?

So, in conclusion, I don’t know.

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