Ok, this one, I DO dread. When someone goes in for the kiss and you’re not feeling it, (if you were even aware you were on a date), it’s basically the worst. But have no fear–I’m going to coach you through what you can do to dodge the unwanted kiss with the skill of a Chinese child laborer. Your options are:
1. BOB AND WEAVE, PEOPLE. Bob. and. weave.
2. Start crying
Make it ugly, otherwise you run the risk of them thinking you’re a delicate damsel in distress who needs their saving.
3. Start a diatribe against people who don’t recycle.
You’re Rand Paul and this topic is your Patriot Act–you could go for HOURS.
4. Tell them they remind you of your father
When they’re about 2 inches from landing.
5. Blow your rape whistle
Which you should have at all times around your neck or on your belt.
6. Break out into dance
You can say you have Terror Squad/Fat Joe’s “Lean Back” stuck in your head.
7. Say you’re saving your first kiss for marriage.
Hey, the Duggars do it, and look how well it turned out for them.
8. Scream “I HAVE ORAL HERPES”
You can thank me later.
10. Stop drop and roll
Right out of there
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