10 Ways to Dodge a Kiss

Ok, this one, I DO dread. When someone goes in for the kiss and you’re not feeling it, (if you were even aware you were on a date), it’s basically the worst. But have no fear–I’m going to coach you through what you can do to dodge the unwanted kiss with the skill of a Chinese child laborer. Your options are:

1. BOB AND WEAVE, PEOPLE. Bob. and. weave.

2. Start crying

Make it ugly, otherwise you run the risk of them thinking you’re a delicate damsel in distress who needs their saving.

3. Start a diatribe against people who don’t recycle.

You’re Rand Paul and this topic is your Patriot Act–you could go for HOURS.

4. Tell them they remind you of your father

When they’re about 2 inches from landing.

5. Blow your rape whistle

Which you should have at all times around your neck or on your belt.

6. Break out into dance

You can say you have Terror Squad/Fat Joe’s “Lean Back” stuck in your head.

7. Say you’re saving your first kiss for marriage.

Hey, the Duggars do it, and look how well it turned out for them.

8. Scream “I HAVE ORAL HERPES”

You can thank me later.

9. Sneeze

10. Stop drop and roll

Right out of there

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