The Best “Your Mom” Insults

Perhaps the most important category of joke, second only to “that’s what she said,” the “your mom” insult is a delicate art. One I just so happen to have a master’s degree in. So, here are the best of the best “your mom” jabs, designed to work on any mom–unless SHE A HO heyyyyyyyyy yeahhhhhhhh 🙋.

1. Your mom is like your average Midwest city–easy to eat out.

2. When your mom puts on a yellow shirt and steps outside, children line up next to her–(get it?? Because she’s like a school bus!! Because she’s so fat!!).

3. [In response to literally anything anyone says–your boss telling you that you need to step it up, your best friend telling you that you hurt her feelings, your doctor telling you that you need to use condoms–whatever]: “That’s not what your mom said last night!”

4. Your mom is a MILFTTTDALARBYFCIDT–mother I’d like, frankly, to take to dinner and love and respect because your father clearly isn’t doing that.

5. Your mom’s safe word is, “Oh.. my… god… keep…going!” More like a safe moan, am I right?!

6. Your momma is so ugly that even Honey Boo Boo’s mom’s boyfriend (husband?) who’s maybe also a child molester? would have sex with her. 

7. The only thing your mom did right was me… this morning… in your childhood twin bed… on your Clarissa Explains it All sheets.

8. Yo momma is so dumb, that she didn’t know what the pilot light was so she blew it out.

9. What was that? The sound of your mom doing a terrible job raising you.

10. Your mom tried to make dinner last night but got sidetracked by the fact that she’s a horrible cook.

11. I would say let’s go to your mom’s house, but she lives in a TRAILER.

12. Sorry, I mistook your mom for my bulldog. JK I don’t have a bulldog, your mom just LOOKS LIKE ONE HEY-O.

13. Your mom is so annoying that even smoke detectors can’t stand to listen to her.

14. No wonder your dad left your mom–she’s a genuinely good person with a respectable job where she is in a position of power, she’s highly educated and well-spoken, and she believes in women’s rights. What a bitch.

Featured on News Cult: http://newscult.com/?p=53170

Advertisements

5 thoughts on “The Best “Your Mom” Insults

  1. peckapalooza says:

    My oldest friend in the world constantly responds to questions (pretty much any type of question) with, “Your mom!” I should send her a link to this… Yeah… instead of writing about it in a comment, I should just do that…

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s