Frozen yogurt, AKA Froyo–the sweet, creamy nectar of what could only be God’s teat; or Betty White’s. It’s basically everything. And it can only be enhanced by toppings. Here are the best ones IMO (but let’s be real I know this shit like it’s the back of every guy’s head I’ve ever dated
as he’s walked away from me I’ve got it down to a science and if there’s one thing IDFW, it’s this).
1. Waffle cone pieces
Hallelujah. I have no words for how delicious a waffle cone is. And when you get to break it up and have a piece in every bite? Dead.
It’s all about the texture, people. These chewy little bits are so satisfying and provide a nice counterpart to the crunchy toppings.
Again, a little crunchy, but without significant flavor or calories–if we can trick ourselves into eating without being painfully aware that we’re not consuming anything of significant substance, sign us up!
ATTN: DEPENDING ON WHAT FLAVOR YOU GET. If you get a tart flavor, or sorbet, load it up with all the fruit you could ever desire. But if you get a dairy-based flavor, or creamier flavor, proceed with caution. I’m a big fan of raspberries, strawberries and blackberries–but I think when you move into mango/pineapple territory, you need to choose a little more carefully. Also, the fruit will freeze, so be prepared to bite into that–personally, I think that kind of takes the fun out of it, plus fruit is sort of healthy, and we don’t do healthy, so any excuse to avoid it.
5. Gummy Bears
Again, highly dependent on what flavor you get–I think these really only work with fruit flavors, the more tart/sorbet-adjacent, the better. These will also freeze, but we’ll put up with it because they’re not healthy, and also I personally like the tougher chewy texture that comes with slightly frozen gummies.
6. Chocolate chips
It’s important to incorporate a chocolate-based topping–this can be in the form of chocolate chips, M&Ms, chocolate shavings, or if you want to get a little crazy and add some peanut butter, spring for the Reese’s Pieces, or bits of Snickers, Kit Kat, peanut butter cups, whatever–go CRAZY.
7. A sauce
Caramel, milk chocolate fudge, regular chocolate syrup, or even that kind that gets hard when you drizzle it (that’s what she said?). This is a nice finishing touch that rounds out all the other toppings. Tie. it. together. guys. Exercise some grace and elegance–we’re not heathens, we know how to be polished when it really counts, i.e. when there’s food involved.
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