Mom jeans… Means? The topic of hot debate in recent years. Forget the Middle East, abortion, and Obamacare–we know our priorities, and they are mom jeans. I’m certainly no fashion expert, but I do have thoughts on this subject. And by thoughts I mean questions. I would like to get into mom jeans for a moment. Congratulations to me for that fantastic pun. You’re all welcome.
So we all know what the mom jean is–that high waist thoughhhhh. But first off, why is it called the mom jean? I guess the answer is obvious–because historically it has been worn by stereotypical stay-at-home mom types, especially in the 80s/90s. But why did those women originally gravitate toward that cut of jean? As my brilliant best friend pointed out to me the other day, when I sent her an exuberant text message saying I’d discovered the solution to love handles–to just pull the waist of your pants up higher–it’s probably because the high-waisted style does contain all the jiggly bits. And, by virtue of them having born children, moms are more likely to have jiggly bits, especially in the waist area. Take note, men: the next time you exercise your shallow, sexist beauty standards, remember that you’re full of shit, and your body will never be burdened by pregnancy, so what the fuck is your excuse for your fat, sagging gut? Where are the dad jeans? Maybe you should get a pair.
Moving on, how did we get from the mom jean originating as a product of functionality in a certain period of time, to them now resurfacing as a trend? First of all, I just don’t understand trends. Frankly, they’re kind of sad, because they show how utterly unoriginal humans are. We glom onto them because apparently we can’t think for ourselves and be unique. Way to go, losers. But even if you accept that trends are inevitable, why are certain products considered trendy at certain times, and others not? Like why are mom jeans all of a sudden back in style? I get that they’re “hip” because they’re reminiscent of simpler times, and perhaps they’re even supposed to be ironically funny in a self-aware way, because, looking back from our perch high atop a more evolved society nowadays, mom jeans are just lol so funny omg i can’t believe anyone wore those what were they thinking?! As in, it’s now cool to be uncool. But what I don’t get is why it’s now cool to be uncool.
Why is it that people take something that was a product of its time, and try to re-purpose it in a way that says, “I know this is dorky, but I’m so boldly hip that I’m going to wear it anyways, and in so doing, stop being the lame underdog, and start being the really really cool top dog, but not like popular kid/jock/cheerleader/quarterback/prom royalty top dog, because I’m still uncool, but just in a cool way, you know? I’m still subcultural, man.” The problem with that rationale is, that eventually being uncool so that you’re perceived as cool establishes a rule that uncool is cool, and when uncool becomes cool, it’s no longer uncool. Are you following me?
In other words: ATTN, Hipsters: just because you wear acid wash mom jeans with your high tops, a fanny pack and Hawaiian shirt does not mean you have an ounce of hippie in you, or that you represent rebellion against mainstream culture, or that you’re just, like, so alternative and too school for cool. Here’s a thought: wash your hair, stop talking like you clogged your nose up with too much cocaine, take off your aviators because you’re in the housewares section of Target, build a bridge, and get over yourself.
If you’re going to wear mom jeans, wear them because you really need to tuck and tighten, don’t wear them because you’re so desperately self-conscious that you think you’re making a clever social statement, but really just latching onto the mainstream. Hint: if American Apparel is doing it, it’s not alternative. Personally, I won’t wear mom jeans because they actually do more harm than good for me in the love handle department, but I have no opposition to them on a purely technical level. Some people think they’re just unflattering or ugly–I really don’t give a fuck. I just don’t buy into the ‘hipster’ propaganda that seems to be the obvious engine behind the mom jean revival. And I guarantee you that the original wearers of the mom jean wouldn’t know or give two shits about what it means to be a hipster in today’s world. They’re too busy not being able to retire because of ow rapidly our economy is tanking, so forgive them if they’ve got more important things to focus on and aspire to than being Terry Richardson-bait.
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