As Featured on News Cult: How Long Should You Wait Before You Sleep with Someone? Let’s Discuss

The age old question: to put out, or not to put out? There are varying schools of thought on this topic. Some say wait at least 3 dates, some say wait until monogamy, some say wait 3 months, and some say YOLO get right in there, like literally get in there immediately you could die any second but hopefully not while you’re inside of her live every moment like it’s your last. As usual, I think there are arguments to be made for all sides here. Let’s discuss.

First, the sexual libertarian in me wants to say, “just go for it!” because why should sex be this taboo, off-limits, discouraged thing, when it’s perfectly natural? Why place sexual limits on ourselves? Liberate your bodies–if you want to have sex with someone 2 seconds after meeting them, don’t be ashamed or feel like that would be “slutty” or “loose” of you–just do it! (As long as it’s consensual.. Like, ask before you just try to motorboat the cute bartender). Especially in a culture which has proven time and time again that sexual repression doesn’t, in fact, lead to more virtuous behavior. Please see: every priest ever, and Josh Duggar.

Buuuuut the realist in me, who has made plenty of mistakes had plenty of experiences, is tempted to say shouldn’t we wait at least until we can be sure the person isn’t a complete prick before we do the deed? There are a couple reasons why this is a good idea. Number one: STD’s. We do not need to get your syphilis thank you very much. I don’t mean to imply that people who have STD’s should feel ashamed–in fact, I think there shouldn’t be any embarrassment associated with them. However, it’s still best to avoid spreading them if we can, just because they don’t make life any easier. And it’s a whole lot easier to know if there’s a risk of spreading STD’s if you know your partner, trust them, and can have an honest conversation about it than if you’re 6 tequila shots down in a stranger’s dark apartment, trying not to puke while you’re grabbing at each other’s clothes, only to make it pants-to-knees, socks and shirts still on.

The number two reason to not jump straight into the sack is feelings. Yes, we hate feelings, but they still exist. And sex involves feelings. Unless you’re most men. But even then, sometimes men have emotions, and sometimes they have them about sex, or so I’ve heard. And yes, sex can theoretically be just a physical act, but in actuality, it involves emotional vulnerability and attachment. And if it doesn’t, isn’t it less fun? Like, why have sex with someone you could really take or leave? In that event, better to just DIY. Doesn’t sex just get so much better when it’s with someone you actually have an interest in, and care if they live or die?

And if you concede that sex is more than just biology, it makes sense that it may be worth waiting to make sure that who you have it with is someone you give a shit about. And you usually can only know if you give a shit about someone after getting to know them and spending time with them. Plus, you want to protect your own feelings, too, and if you rush into bed with someone who isn’t going to treat you and your feelings considerately, you may end up getting hurt. And as much as we are warrior spirits who kick serious ass, we can still get hurt. And we do not like being hurt. Frankly, it’s a waste of our precious time and endless talents.

Basically, I think that ultimately, sex is much more complicated than it seems. And, sadly, that means it’s not so easy to just hit it and quit it. I think we’re the best things since sliced bread, so anyone would be lucky to have sex with us, and they should only get to if they’re worthy. And most people are not worthy, as time will tell. But, that’s just it–you need time to figure out who someone is. Their true character needs time to show itself. And, after enough time has passed, and they haven’t turned out to be one of those guys who has a beret collection, or someone who’s embarrassed to introduce you to their parents, or someone who says “I’m just not ready for commitment right now [but I still want to fuck you],” or is a self-professed “terrorist” (it happens, believe it or not), then you can get down to business. And then if they still turn out to be a douche, at least now you know where they live, what their birthday is, their SSN if you’re forward-thinking, and that they’re afraid of ponies so won’t go NEAR a petting zoo–commence revenge.

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One thought on “As Featured on News Cult: How Long Should You Wait Before You Sleep with Someone? Let’s Discuss

  1. Josh Wrenn says:

    Hahaha! I am a man and have had ONE, one night stand. It was awful too. So there is another reason waiting might be good. You get to learn the person and find out what they like or do not, so it ends up being more fun. And yes, us men can get the feels too. We are not immune to the serotonin and oxytocin releases that accompany the act of getting in there, as much as I wish I was. However, I don’t think there is anything wrong with people who view it differently, and might even be slightly envious since I recently turned down a hook-up because I was legitimately interested in a girl who apparently does not feel the same. Good times. I just changed my mind. Get in there while you can.

    Liked by 1 person

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