As Featured on News Cult: 5 Benefits of Smiling

I’m the last person to advocate cheerfulness. But if you think about it, smiling has some significant benefits. Here they are:

1. You’re more likely to get what you want

We will do what we have to do to get what we want. Which is mainly food. E.g. smile at the Chipotle guy? He’ll give you more than the usual teaspoon of chicken. At the Starbucks barista? He’ll up you to a venti at no charge. At the In-N-Out cashier? She’ll make your fries animal style on the house. THESE ARE THE THINGS THAT MATTER PEOPLE.

2. You may actually feel a little happier

I’m not a scientist so I don’t know for sure, but there’s something that happens in your brain chemistry to lift your mood a bit when you smile. Yes, I know what you’re thinking–the same effect can also be achieved by shooting heroin. So my argument here is not very strong. 

3. Your voice will sound less harsh

We don’t disguise our contempt for people, and our tone of voice shows it. But, again, in the interest of ourselves and getting our way, sounding nicer to people, even though on the inside we’re praying they step on a Lego, will get us farther in the unfortunate interactions we have to have with them in order to survive. Like, if our cable goes out, we might as well be dead, so if smiling while we’re on the phone with Fasa of Time Warner in Idaho by way of Bangladesh is going to get our DVR up and running–because we absolutely cannot miss an episode of Ladies of London that would be a travesty we need to be able to record it since our stupid best friend decided to be born on the day it airs and apparently we have to celebrate her birth when really get over yourself literally everyone was born it doesn’t make you special–then we will don the toothiest grin you’ve ever seen.

4. It’s usually laughter-adjacent

And laughter, second to food, is EVERYTHING.

5. Less Drama

If people are trying to start shit with you, just smile at them, and that’ll shut them right the fuck up. They can’t stir the pot if the pot is empty. If you not only don’t fuel their fire, but go one step further and counteract it by smiling, you’ll piss ALL over their parade, dousing the flames as you go. Byeeeeee to them and their Beyoncé moment #smileandwave #wecanout-pageantgirlyouanydayoftheweek

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