As Featured on News Cult: The Worst Things About Being an Adult

Let’s face it: being an adult sucks ass. There’s just no way around that  horrifyingly real truth. Here are the worst things about adulthood.

TAXES

Like omg can we JUST. TALK. ABOUT IT.

Laundry

Children: CHERISH THE DAYS WHEN YOUR PARENTS DO YOUR LAUNDRY FOR YOU. YOU’LL NEVER KNOW A HELL QUITE LIKE WASHING SHEETS.

Work

Ughhhhhhhhhhhhh

Health insurance

Say goodbye to the WEEKS of your life you’ll lose to battles with your insurance co. over the phone about whether or not you paid that $15 co-pay at the time of your office visit. 

Paying rent 

Or buying a house–whatever the specific accommodation situation is, you don’t get to live for free anymore. Which is just rude frankly. 

Having to take care of your own transportation 

Whether you buy or lease a car, take the bus, walk–whatever you’re doing to get yourself from Point A to Point B, and to make sure you don’t break down along the way whether that’s emotionally or because you didn’t change your oil because how the FUCK are you supposed to understand the absolutely indecipherable maintenance reminder program in your car, you have to figure it out on your own. Gone are the days of  carpools to school, rides to the doctor, plane tickets paid for by your parents–it’s your job to get yourself where you need to be, and if you don’t, the world will keep turning and no one will notice you’re gone because you’re but one insignificant spec of billions. 

No built-in friends

I am not aware of any adult play groups or daycares. Unless you’re like a swinger or have special needs.  And making friends is hardddddddd. Because everyone is terrible. And we don’t even want to be friends with them. But if we don’t make friends our doctor will start worrying about us but like in the pity way, and we HATE being pitied so if we have to play nice with a bunch of idiots to avoid that then we’ll put on the biggest smile you’ve ever seen and act like we don’t in fact wish death upon everyone as if our own precious lives depended on it. 

Cooking

We simply don’t have the energy to cook for ourselves. Yet, no one else is going to do it, so we either suck it up or starve to death. And we will not be starving to death because food is simply too important to us. So most likely we’ll just order out or go the frozen food route but I’m pretty confident the microwave counts as cooking so don’t hate us because we resourceful. 

No more summer break

Perhaps the biggest travesty to ever happen in the world. Summers don’t exist anymore. When people ask you, “how’s your summer going?” you’ll want nothing more than to strangle them as you watch the life drain out of their beady, well-rested little eyes. Seriously there needs to be a support group dedicated solely to this issue. Like if I had to rank the world’s problems, I would say:

1. Lack of summer vacation for adults 

2. Poverty 

3. War

Tbh. 

Featured on News Cult: http://newscult.com/?p=65754

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13 thoughts on “As Featured on News Cult: The Worst Things About Being an Adult

  1. bensbitterblog says:

    Being an adult is the worst. Especially if you have kids and are responsible for making sure they don’t die. From car crashes, lack of food, eating paste or poison. Every once in a while I look at my wife and I’m really? We are responsible for these two creatures? Us? Good thing you have a good head on your shoulders because I would epic fail if I had to like you know, buy them clothes, remember all their school things, it would be a disatrophy.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. kindredspirit23 says:

    I actually did put something in a toaster oven (remember them?!) and forgot and took a shower. I came out to the sound of the smoke detectors going off and the toaster oven had a fire inside (I could see because of the glass window!

    Like

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