As Featured on News Cult: 7 Cons of Wearing Glasses

We’ve been over the pros of wearing glasses. Now let’s touch on the cons/our area of specialty: negativity.

1. People take them as an invitational conversation piece

Like. WE DON’T WANT TO TALK TO YOU. EVER. WHY DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THIS. TAKE YOUR LACK OF GAME SOMEWHERE ELSE PLS K FUCK OFF BUH. BYE.

2. Having to clean them

Lord. It’s such an event. You have to carry around your little spray bottle of solution which has to be anti-reflective coating-friendly of course, and you literally have to spritz and wipe them every 5 minutes because there’s always a smudge, or a fingerprint, or dust, or makeup, or, more likely in our case, crumbs.

3. Having to switch when sunglasses are needed

Take the glasses out of the case, put them on, step outside and see it’s blazing sun, put the glasses back in the case, take out the sunglasses, put them on, walk 50 feet to the coffee shop, step inside, take the sunglasses off, put them back in the other case… Annnnnnnnnnnnd repeat.

4. Rain

Don’t get us started. We really need little windshield wipers on our glasses lenses. Like those Volvo station wagons have on their front lights. Man, those were always so cool growing up. I mean now I recognize their futility, but back then–back then they were THE BOMB.

5. They’re fragile

Cases upon cases upon cases. And if you’re like me/have any sense at all and wear big frames, your cases have to be big, and big bulky cases take up so much space, which means you need a big bag, and pretty soon before you know it you’ve turned into your hoarder mother with the Russian Nesting Doll of purses.

6. Kissing

I mean, kissing is hard enough for us to get through as is with all its saliva-swapping and germs and tongue–SO MUCH TONGUE–that we don’t need the added hassle of bumper-frames. Not to mention the oil residue from skin smashing up against your lenses. THE OIL. Which just necessitates more cleaning. Pls see 2 ^^

7. Your eyesight just gets worse

And you have to consistently renew your prescription, which requires going to the doctor, which we hate because we hate doctors because they’re pompous insensitive assholes whose only job is literally to care for people but whose bedside manner couldn’t be worse and frankly Hitler knew how to be more compassionate.

Featured on News Cult: http://newscult.com/?p=66094

10 thoughts on “As Featured on News Cult: 7 Cons of Wearing Glasses

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s