As Featured on News Cult: The Best Comebacks

The haters gon hate, right? So we have to be prepared to hate on their hate. And hating is our specialty. With that in mind, here are the best comebacks to use in response to any insult or slight. #allpurposehating #wehateyourhatealldayerday

“Would you speak to your mother that way? Actually wait don’t answer that your mom’s probably a cunt.”

Somebody’s panties are in a twist. It’s like you’re wearing a thong. Are you wearing a thong? Is that what’s stuck up your ass?”

“Don’t you have a Sizzler buffet to destroy or something?”

“Well it just so happens that I hate me, too.”

“You’re someone who sells his or her body for money!”

^^follow up with: “And for not very much!”

“If I had a penny for every time I didn’t care about what you were saying, I would have at least one penny–for right now, this moment.”

“Have you always hated women or did your dick only recently shrink?”

“I’d rather get trapped in a stickup with Ben Carson than be here, with you.”

“If you were a cheese, you’d be Velveeta.”

^^follow up with: “Only you could ruin cheese!”

“You’re the worst. Like clearly it’s your fault Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner broke up.”

“Your mom is TERRIBLE in bed.”

“You’re like the red Starburst. No one wants you.”

“I prefer ‘cottage cheese thighs.'”

“If I were a busboy, and your waiter asked me to take an order of bread pudding with ice cream to your table of 6, I would assume it was for you.”

“You put the WHORE in HORRible.”

“Sorry, what was that? I can’t hear you over the endless stream of bullshit you’re spewing.”

“Blow me while falling off the tallest building in your vicinity and being offered the senior discount when you’re 40.”

“If you were a stripper, you’d get the 1 PM Tuesday shift. But only in towns with pop. < 22,000.”

“I just don’t understand why you’re being so rude. Did I offend you by asking a perfectly reasonable question? Did it hurt your feelings when I pointed out the inconsistencies in what you’re saying? Do you feel personally attacked by the fact that I hold you accountable? You’re acting like I rape-pillaged your mother while talking smack about your poorly designed website and taking a shit on your protein shake regimen.”

Featured on News Cult:

11 thoughts on “As Featured on News Cult: The Best Comebacks

  1. Awkward Appeal says:

    I’ve always wanted to use the following.

    For when someone makes a remark about your body or clothes:
    “If you don’t like it, don’t look at it”

    For when someone makes a remark of any kind (ex:”You’re a bitch”):
    “that sounds like a personal problem”

    Liked by 1 person

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