There are certain things we all know we’re supposed to tip for, at least in the U.S. Unless you’re a total dick. Like wait staff at restaurants, valets, and mani-pedis, to name a few. But there’s a whole host of other things that I have no idea if we’re supposed to tip for. Maybe I’m just an idiot, which is a strong possibility, but I’m confused about tipping etiquette for the below situations.
Like, when you take your one nice kitchen knife (which is a start give us a break adulthood is hard and expensive plus it serves a double purpose as a cooking utensil AND weapon) to Williams-Sonoma, are you supposed to tip the guy who sharpens it? Especially because knowing us, it’s going to need a lot of sharpening, if it’s even salvageable from all of our non-/improper use.
Like when you go in for an oil change, or to have your tires rotated, or a multi-point inspection… Literally no clue if you’re supposed to tip. And I feel like this is one of those situations where if you’re not supposed to tip, it’s insulting if you do, so you really have to get it right. This is why I just awkwardly linger when I pick up my car and try to read any social cues that may point me toward an answer. Which usually gets me approximately nowhere except a solid minute or so of uncomfortable eye contact between me and an unfortunate mechanic. But, hey, I’ll take it–it’s the most intimacy I’m gonna get probably ever.
Same as with cars–when you take your bike in for a tune up (which like who actually does that but whatever), do you tip? And bike people are so intimidatingly hip, so this is 1000x worse than cars. With their tight-by-choice jeans vs. our just increasingly-getting-tighter jeans, and their aggressive beards, and their keys on their carabiners–like, we get it, you’re so tragically uncool you’re cool again.
Say what you will, but if you jaywalk, a crossing guard is out of a job. If that isn’t tip-worthy, I’m not sure what is.
And like what if they make your pet look like shit? Which is impossible for some of our pets because they’re glorious beautiful mythical creatures from magical lands and are better looking than Helen of Troy. But still. Or what if they have to squeeze the anal glands? Isn’t that like a guilt-tip situation?
A colonoscopy strikes me as perhaps the task most deserving of a tip, right?
It’s sups awk when you’re in the room as they’re cleaning it and you’re like ahhh I don’t know if I’m supposed to tip her should I tip her how much should I tip her and should I just hand it to her or should I leave it in an envelope or like aren’t I supposed to leave it like under the pillow but how can I do that if she’s standing right there I knew I should’ve followed my therapist’s instructions and gotten out of bed and gone outside this morning or alternatively, I should’ve never gotten out of bed and just put the “do not disturb” sign up which frankly sounds like a better plan so suck on that, mental health professionals.
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