While being sick sucks, we also love it because it means we get to stay home. Endless sneezing, snot, coughing, fever, nausea and chills? We’ll take it, if the alternative is going to work. So here’s what to do when you’re home sick.
1. Watch TV obvi
But nothing too cerebral–we don’t want you trying to process the multitude of familial tensions and indecipherable political plot lines of Game of Thrones (which frankly you don’t even understand at your prime which means you’re basically a social pariah since you couldn’t make it past season 1) when you’re 3 NyQuil’s and a half-a-bottle of Benadryl deep.
2. Take baths
Steep. You are a human tea bag. Let the heat wash the toxins out of your body. Imagine me saying this in the most yoga-teacher voice you’ve ever heard. Actually on second thought that may make you want to kill yourself so maybe don’t.
Some of us are incapable of napping, so drug yourself if you have to.
The other day my chiropractor was like “starve a cold feed a fever” and I was like bitch I’m on a 24/7 feeding cycle don’t tell me to stop eating because I have a cold I’ll KILL YOU.
You can blame it on the cold/allergies. Even if you don’t have a cold or allergies. Stomach flu? “I’m crying because I have a cold and/or allergies. What the fuck do you care?” (I don’t know who’s like challenging your tears when you’re sick but like just in case.)
6. Lie on the floor
I feel like all of my lists are these same 6 things. But seriously, lying on the floor is salvation. Maybe because it’s like some metaphorical act of surrender. And despite what Winston Churchill said, always always always give up. Just like drugs, giving up is always the answer. Children: take note.
7. Read trashy magazines
Again, this will be the only literature you’ll be able to digest since it will require no brain power. Also, this is a good opportunity to judge. Mainly what celebrities wear when they go grocery shopping.
8. Google eHarmony commercials
9. Have a friend over
You’ll only have your unemployed friends to choose from, so you’re already looking at a pretty lame selection, so don’t expect much. But maybe they can bring you ice cream. In which case their existence won’t be for nothing.
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