Because every well-adjusted adult makes one?
1. To just know what it would feel like to be Charlie Sheen for one day.
2. A lifetime of better decisions
This one will never get old. #ifatfirstyoudon’tsucceed
All of it.
4. An hour with Ben Carson
Preferably in a universe where guns don’t exist. Or, alternatively, in a universe where it’s just me and him in a Popeye’s organization, and the cashier is in the back when a gunman comes in.
5. A lifetime supply of Mambas
Easily the most underrated candy out there.
6. A better haircut for Hillary Clinton
And a better-adjusted moral compass.
You can never have enough.
8. To travel back in time
So I could be in the elevator and find out just what exactly caused Solange to go off like that…
9. A world where it’s possible to get a breakfast burrito for lunch
WHY is it so hard to find a breakfast burrito after 11 AM? Do you suddenly stop carrying eggs at that time?
10. A Louis C.K. body pillow
11. To not be completely blown off by a guy
Just one. Like, if there could just be one decent guy out there, that would be great. I don’t care if you hate puppies and think kale is cool, so long as you text me back.
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