As Featured on News Cult: Ideas for Kim/Kanye’s Next Baby’s Name

Ugh. The Kardashian-Wests have done it again. Didn’t think it was possible to come up with a dumber name than North West—yet, in an inhuman feat of narcissistic absurdity, they accomplished just that: all hail, Saint West.

So, I thought I’d come up with some ideas for their next baby’s name. Because clearly they need help.

1. #NoOneCares

Straight to the point.

2. P.O.S.


3. Jesus

Middle name, Yeezus.

4. Ritard

Emphasis on the Í, people.

5. South

I think we can all agree this is the rational choice. Plus, someone has to be the living symbol of the downward trajectory of these people’s lives/moral compasses/integrity/any semblance of their natural bodies.

6. East

Don’t pretend like you aren’t waiting for a little east-west action. You know—to invoke the duality that lies within each of us, and underscore the polarity of all existence (as Kanye, the self-proclaimed omniscient deity that he is, would say).

7. #DidIMentionNoOneCares

Just want to be sure.

8. God

Middle name, Complex.

9. Kim-Kanye

Makes sense.

10. #DoYouUnderstandThatNoOneCares

No question mark necessary, it’s rhetorical.

11. Douchebag, Jr.

#dolladollabillsy’all #forally’alllife #becauseeverymomentofeverydayyouaread-bag

12. Jan

Because, regardless of gender, nobody likes a “Jan.” Nothing good comes from “Jan.”

13. Chris-Humphries

They hyphen is important. Or Ray-J. Or O.J. Gotta pay homage to those who came before. #respect

14. #IGiveMyParents’Marriage2MoreYearsMax

#Truth #PrenuponFLEEK

15. Taylor-Swift


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11 thoughts on “As Featured on News Cult: Ideas for Kim/Kanye’s Next Baby’s Name

  1. Flop til you drop "FTYD" says:

    #9 can be shortened to KK, okay? – my kids actually went to preschool with a kid that was nicknamed KK because none of us could pronounce his true Asian name. I think the English name he took was Kevin.

    (before reading this, I figured it would be South West, because that would make sense.)

    I think they should stick with an Acronym:
    PADA (parents are dumb asses)

    Liked by 1 person

  2. peckapalooza says:

    I pity any child that arrives in this world as a product of that relationship. Neither of those kids stands a chance. Is there some kind of super-villain plot that we could put into effect that would cause some kind of secret sterilization among the Kardashian Klan? I don’t know how that works… got a D in bio.

    Liked by 1 person

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