My Guest Post for The Confusing Middle

I was honored when Aaron over at The Confusing Middle asked me to write a guest post for him while he’s on vacay. Here it is! (Censored, because apparently “fuck” isn’t everyone’s favorite word).

Hey, kids… I’m out of town this week. Finally taking that vacation I’ve been thinking about for eight years. Anyway, while I’m gone some friends have agreed to write some guest posts for my blog. Today’s post comes from Alex. I asked her the question, what is one experience that has shaped the person you […]

via Sticking to Your Convictions — The Confusing Middle

As Featured on News Cult: How to Get Over Writer’s Block

As I write this, I have writer’s block. I thought a good way to get over it would be to write a piece about how to get over it. Not sure that’s logical, but I figured it’s enough of a cyclical tactic that it’s bound to work eventually. So, that said, in real time, here’s how to get over writer’s block.

Put pen to paper

I hate to say it, but forcing yourself to do it is the only way you’ll get any sort of momentum. I’m pretty sure Nike’s slogan was a product of writer’s block. Even if what you write is complete shit, still make yourself start there. In my experience, it’s not as easy as just sitting down and forcing yourself to write one time and then you’re off to the races—you may have to do this several times until you start feeling like you’re making any progress and that it won’t always be such a battle. So start slow—maybe just jot down a few words today. Tomorrow, a sentence. Wednesday, a paragraph. Etc. And that way, too, if and when you fail, it will at least be a slow burn instead of a miraculous flame-out. #welikeourfailurelikewelikeourgeneralexistence #unnoticed

Stop being a perfectionist

I think part of writer’s block is fear that your product will be terrible. But if you just accept that it will be terrible, or at least less than perfect, you’ll free yourself of pressure to meet a certain standard, and then can write with abandon. No one’s perfect—not even people who claim to be. So don’t let your misguided aspirations/delusions of perfection stop you from expressing yourself—the Catholic church(/actually really any religion) sure doesn’t!

Cry about it

Yes, your creative dry spell is majorly heart-wrenching. So just let it out. Will you ever be able to write again? It’s impossible to say. Have you lost your vision forever? Probably. Are you less insightful, witty, and original than you thought? 100%. You have every reason to weep. And while you should probably just end it all now because clearly you’re going nowhere, also consider getting over it. #buildthatbridge #thenburnit #afteryougetoverit #becauseifyouburnitbeforeyougetoverityouwon’tbeabletogetoverit #butyou’reallclearafteryougetoverit #burnbabyburn #bernbabybern #BernieSanders2016 #seewhatIdidthere  

Realize that writer’s block is mostly composed of your laziness

Sure, it’s more glamorous to say that our muse has left us, but really, we’re mainly just too lazy to do the hard work that is writing. I don’t think anyone knows why anyone writes, because it’s really just hard. Overall, the process is agonizing. So it makes sense that sometimes we feel like watching 9 hours of shitty reality TV back-to-back instead. We don’t need to term that “writer’s block”—we can just be honest with ourselves. And also not feel ashamed for it—everyone needs and wants breaks. To be allowed, that instinct doesn’t have to be manipulated into some version of martyrdom.

Focus on what you’d enjoy writing about

And do that. Maybe you’re having writer’s block on a subject that you don’t particularly care about. Makes sense. So if you can switch to something you give 2 shits about (at least—aim for 2-4 shits given), your block may dissolve. I know this is easier said than done, especially if you’re writing on assignment. But try to find creative ways to make whatever you’re writing about more appealing to you so that the process of writing about it will be less painful. One way to accomplish this is to look at every piece of writing as a learning opportunity; everything you write requires some knowledge on your part, and that may mean you have to do some learning before you can write with authority. And learning new things is great—mainly because then when someone says something ignorant, you can shut them the fuck down with complete peace of mind. #writingisyourweapon

Featured on News Cult: http://newscult.com/worst-get-writers-block/

The Premio Dardos Award

In part two of my awards catch-up sesh today comes The Premio Dardos Award which Aaron at The Confusing Middle was nice enough to nominate me for–this one also took me too long to post, sorry Aaron! But I’m honored–thank you!! And please check out his blog–he’s the best–funny, genuine, smart, and kind.

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Again, I’m shirking the rules, but wanted to give Aaron a shout out and lots of gratitude. 🙂

Beautiful Blogger Award

Jillian over at How To Be Myself kindly nominated me for the Beautiful Blogger Award, and I’ve taken a shamefully long time to do my post–sorry Jillian! Please go check out her wonderful blog. She writes such relatable, fun, and inspiring posts! And has the cutest dog!

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I’m going to break all the rules and end the post here, but just wanted to thank and recognize her. ❤

When you find out your “anonymous” blog troll

who wrote these comments on your blog:

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His comments (in black) in response to other bloggers’ responses (in red) to his initial comment above.

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You know what they say–you haven’t really made it til someone calls you a “monstrous cunt”

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is the roommate/best friend of the guy you were seeing who told you to “kick rocks”:

#I’mnoexpertbutyou’dthinkTrolling101isdon’tuseyourpersonalemailtosetupyourtrollaccount #HavewelearnednothingfromtheAshleyMadisonincident?

Brotherhood of the World Bloggers Award!

Mon very kindly nominated me for the Brotherhood of the World Bloggers Award, which is appropriate considering I am often mistaken for a male given my generic, asexual name–thank you so much!

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Here are my answers to Mon’s questions:

What is your favorite book?

The Catcher in the Rye

What’s one inspirational song?

“I’m a Little Teapot”

What made you a better person?

Literally nothing–I am a giant POS.

Your favorite quote?

“I got 99 problems but a bitch ain’t one.”

Your favorite book?

Again? Or a second favorite? Probably Mrs. Dalloway. Virginia Woolf is my spirit animal.

 

The Creative Blogger Award!

The wonderful Queen Rianna and Felicia nominated me for The Creative Blogger Award–thank you both very much, and everyone please check out their blogs if you haven’t already!

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Since I’ve already done this one, I’ll be brief here and continue my rule-breaking streak by just doing the participation portion where I share 5 facts about myself (ew that sounds so narcissistic–but I’m not trying to be! I just wanted to at least do a brief post as a thank you to and recognition of my nominators. I think I’m just digging the hole deeper. I don’t know how to be normal).

Anyways… here are 5 short facts about me!

1. Phone calls, except with a select few people (really just my mom) make me extremely anxious–how do you keep them going? How do you know when to end them? How do you end them? What warrants them?

2. I think if you wear Sperry’s, you’re a dick.

3. A mama bear’s cubs are to her what a Chipotle burrito is to me.

4. Nothing gives me a rush quite like deleting emails and crossing things off of to do lists. Even if I’m not done with them.

5. I have no problem swearing in front of children. Fuck ’em.

Thanks for putting up with me!

Responses to More Liebster Award Questions!

Fitfortheroad kindly nominated me for the Liebster Award and it’s taken me too long to post about it–so sorry about that, and thank you! Please check out her wonderful blog!

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Since I have previously done the Liebster post, I’ll just answer the great questions she asked in her post here 🙂

1. What’s your earliest memory?

I actually don’t remember… I feel like maybe it was playing on a rug at a family gathering of sorts when I was 1 or 2 ish? How lame is that.

2. What’s the one thing you secretly wish your current or future significant other would do, at least once – but you would never outright ask for? (example – sending flowers to your work or planning a weekend away and just “kidnapping” you for it)

Tell me everything he is thinking–literally everything–basically allow me to read his mind.

3. Pizza or Bacon?

BOTH PLEASE.

4. Would you rather be rich and single or poor and married?

Poor and single.

5. A year with no internet or a year with no TV?

Year with no TV, because you can get TV on the Internet (see what I did there??? 😉 )

6. What’s your dream job?

Professional sleeper.

7. What was the last movie that made you cry?

Interstellar

8. Have you ever had to order pizza (or some other takeout) because you burned/messed up cooking dinner?

No, I’ve just skipped the attempting to cook dinner part and gone straight for the takeout.

9. Describe your life using a movie title

He’s Just Not That Into You

10. How many tattoos do you have? How many do you want? (If you want any)

I have 6 or 7 and would like a few more I think.

Encouraging Thunder Award

Can you tell I’m on a ‘catch up on award/challenge nominations’ kick? 😉 Mon nominated me for the Encouraging Thunder Award–thank you so much and sorry for my delay!

And can we just take a minute to appreciate the title of this award? I’m going to start referring to myself as “Encouraging Thunder” whilst in conversation with people–to the Starbucks barista, bus driver, really anyone who is forced to will listen. I do feel that I have an imposing physical stature, so I think this title is fitting for me

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Anyways, and I know you’re all sick of hearing me say this, I’m breaking the rules again and just going to participate in the prompt portion of the nomination, which is to say what my purpose for blogging is.

Simply put, it’s to try to find and cultivate humor.

That was super short–YOU’RE WELCOME.

Starlight Blogger Award

Another nomination I am shamefully behind on–apologies! The wonderful, amazing, witty, hilarious Mindy nominated me for this–thank you so much, and everyone PLEASE check out her blog, it’s SO FANTASTIC and such a pleasure to read!! She’s the bees knees–honestly–and she’s a definite STAR and more than worthy of this award. As are so many other bloggers, but simply in the interest of time and making things easier on everyone, I’ll opt out of nominating others and will complete the questions-portion of the nomination (I know I’m breaking the rules about breaking the rules here, so again, sorry I’m the worst!).

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Questions from Mindy, along with my answers:

1. You’re on a crowded train, and you’re no longer sure whether that’s the metal armrest from the chair behind you jutting into your upper thigh or someone’s hand… but you’re sweaty, famished and you no longer care. You’re five stops from home when the train comes to a screeching halt and the power goes out. The operator says it could be a while… luckily for you, you’ve got a bag of stale pretzels, an apple and a mealy peanut butter protein bar with you, along with half a bottle of water. 1. Do you think you should have reconsidered your food choices? 2. In what order do you consume your food and do you share?

1. YES.

2. Protein bar, pretzels, apple–healthiest last to increase the chances I won’t have room for it–and NO, especially not with someone who’s sticking their unwanted boner in my upper thigh.

2. You’re taking a bubble bath because you fucking deserve it, okay? You’re sitting there with complete disregard for the fact that baths are actually kind of gross because you’re sitting in your own filth, and you smell something starting to burn. What the hell, right, because you’re pretty sure you turned the oven off. Now that you think about it, you did turn the oven off. Go you. What scented bubble bath did you use and why?

Probably actually had to use unscented bubble bath because I have extra-sensitive skin 😦 Leave it to me to make what’s supposed to be one of the sexiest things into the least sexy version of itself possible.

3. You’re standing in line at Subway. The line is kind of long, giving you time to really think about what kind of sandwich you want. You’ve decided on a footlong honey oat with turkey and American cheese but you feel like spicin’ it up. You get some avocado simply because you can. After getting a coke and chips to go with your order, you sit down in the far corner, as the lunch rush really comes into swing. Upon taking your first sip of your drink you realize they gave you Pepsi. What do you do? And how long do you think the smell of Subway will stay in your clothes?

I really can’t tell the difference between Pepsi and Coke, so I probably wouldn’t do anything except keep drinking it. And ETERNITY.

Thanks for great questions Mindy!!