Nicole Arbour:

more proof that our society doesn’t give a fuck if someone isn’t funny and doesn’t have anything intelligent to say, so long as she’s skinny, blonde and puts her tits on display.


#YASSSCHRISSYTIEGEN #whowould’veeverthoughtI’dsidewithamodel #watchoutNicole,Chrissy’scomingforyou

Plastic Surgery: Let’s Discuss

OK, let’s unpack this. Because frankly I have a lot of mixed emotions on the subject and need to work. it. out. And to clarify, I’m talking about elective plastic surgery–not reconstructive and/or medically necessary surgery, or gender reassignment surgery. We’re talking purely Joan Rivers, Kylie Jenner, and Pamela Anderson here. Granted, I don’t know their medical circumstances, but I feel it’s safe to assume that their cosmetic surgeries are of the elective sort (and if I have to hear one more person say that a “deviated septum” is really the legitimate cause for their nose job, I’m going to start responding with, “yeah, and I’m fucking the Pope.”).

If I were Kim, I would be like, “Wait, Kylie, did you cut off my face and are you wearing it as a mask?”

On the one hand, I absolutely believe that every person has the right to do with his/her own body what he/she wants. So I feel that I need to take the “to each his/her own” approach to plastic surgery. On the other hand, I can’t help but think that the main reason people elect to have plastic surgery is because of a societal and cultural standard of appearance that they feel they need to meet, not because of some inborn instinct they have to have fuller lips, a more perfect ass, or balloon tits. Sure, if everyone was getting a nose job because it served some evolutionary or biological purpose, I don’t think I would feel so strongly opposed to it. But it seems to me that the main reason for it is that in our culture, particularly in the U.S., smaller/less crooked/more refined noses are coveted as “ideal” and “beautiful.”

But according to who? And why? If we all look inward, I think we would find it hard to come up with a good reason or explanation, other than, “that’s the mass media-dictated standard of beauty.” But even then, there doesn’t seem to be a logical justification–it seems that some people just decided that “beautiful” or “desirable” = a certain set of physical traits, and everyone bought into that over time, making us no better than lemmings, really. So, if I consider the reason behind an individual’s choice to have cosmetic surgery, I still find it hard to justify.

Furthermore, I think that there are harmful consequences to plastic surgery. Not just the obvious possible medical complications, but when celebrities or public figures who have had work done are touted as representations of true beauty, the message to the public is that we should all look like that, or at least strive to, and if we can’t attain that look, there is something wrong with us. But of course we can’t attain that look, because we don’t have the money to spend on it. Also, a lot of the time celebrities have plastic surgery but don’t admit to it, which makes their message even worse: “I am beautiful, and I am this way naturally, so if you can’t make yourself look like this naturally, there’s something wrong with you.” Of course this is especially dangerous when it’s being conveyed to young fans. And I don’t think anyone would dispute the fact that females are generally held to stricter standards of beauty and appearance than males in this society. So, essentially, the message that young, impressionable girls are receiving via media is that they need to fit a certain physical mold in order to be attractive and desirable.

I know I’m not the first to say any of this, but I think it’s important to talk about, because even I, a self-proclaimed feminist and graduate of a women’s college, find myself buying into these unrealistic beauty standards. And I have been fortunate enough to have access to quality education my entire life, and consequently the resources necessary in order to form informed responses to mass media propaganda, so I really have no excuse for falling prey to it. Yet, I do.

Every time I think about plastic surgery, I try to remain as objective as possible, and debate both sides of it. But every time I consider the pro argument that someone is having it because they want to and because it will make them feel better about themselves, I come back to the conclusion that the reason they want to have it and it will make them feel better about themselves is because it will help them attain the physical ideal that is promoted in our society and culture, and therefore, it is not such an autonomous decision as that argument would suggest.

That said, I’m always open to other ways of thinking and hearing other’s opinions on the matter. And I do thank all the people who have had horrendous cosmetic surgery for giving us all something to laugh at (I said it–SO SUE ME):


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As Featured on News Cult: If I Just Ate Whatever the Fuck I Wanted, Here’s What My Diet Would Look Like

I mean, I’m no Jillian Michaels–I DO eat a lot of shit I shouldn’t, and too much of it. But, even though it doesn’t seem/look like it, I also exhibit some restraint in my food intake, because if I didn’t, I would be too heavy to qualify for TLC’s My 600-lb Life. So, indulge me as I fantasize about throwing caution/self-respect/dignity/lifespan to the wind, just giving up completely, and cramming the below menu into my mouth on a daily basis.


Raspberry and/or cranberry scone (warmed), banana pancakes (bananas IN, not on top, of the pancakes), ALL of the muffins (frozen if it’s chocolate, warm if it’s blueberry, banana nut, cornbread, etc.), pumpkin bread, wine, coffee cake, warm butter croissant (must be equal parts flaky and soft), the muesli off the room service menu at the Ritz Carlton in Marina del Rey which is basically just oats drenched in cream with fresh berries but it MUST be off the room service menu, not the regular breakfast menu because the latter is a smaller portion so don’t make the same mistake I did SAVE YOURSELVES

Pre-Breakfast #2 Snack:

Buttermilk LOG (it’s exactly what it sounds like–a dense, glazed buttermilk donut that’s like a mini pound cake, to put it kindly), chilled chocolate milk (both regular and almond), ALL of the bagels (sourdough, sesame, everything, cranberry, plain, poppy seed, etc.), toasted with whipped strawberry cream cheese

Breakfast #2:

Granola, but not with milk–with CREAM, breakfast sandwich that includes cheese and bacon with ketchup, omelet that includes cheese and bacon with ketchup, side of potatoes with ketchup, breakfast burrito that includes potatoes, cheese and bacon with ketchup, chicken apple sausage with ketchup or maple syrup, cinnamon brioche French toast

Pre-Pre-Lunch Snack:



Soy chai latte extra foam, whole milk vanilla latte extra foam, Dairy Queen Blizzard with M&Ms & a tiny bit of chocolate syrup, coconut milk tea with boba


BBQ pulled pork sandwich on soft roll that includes cole slaw, mashed potatoes, and homemade pickles both inside of it and on the side, hamburgers with bacon and cheese, thin crust pizza topped with red onion, peppers, mushrooms, olives, and/or sundried tomatoes, or pineapple, tandoori chicken, chicken tikka masala, warm Naan bread (plain and garlic)

Post-Lunch Snack:

Tater tots with ketchup, chocolate and yogurt covered pretzels, Girl Scout Samoas, Thin Mints, and Tagalongs, Krispy Kreme classic glazed donut microwaved for 10 seconds

Lunch #2:

Warm, flaky biscuits with honey butter, my mom’s homemade paella, my mom’s homemade pork chops with dried cherries & apricots, SpaghettiOs, Ramen (the PC “Oriental” flavor), Panda Express orange chicken, lots of warm French bread with butter

Pre-Pre-Dinner Snack:

Sweet potato fries with ketchup and thousand island sauce, trail mix minus everything except the M&Ms, Cheez-Its, Simple Truth organic animal crackers (AKA animal crackers on FLEEK)


Street meat (go out onto the city streets, find a brown person pushing a cart that smells like magic, and order a hot dog wrapped in bacon. You’re welcome.)


Grilled cheese (real, not American), OG Kraft mac ‘n cheese, Annie’s white cheddar mac ‘n cheese, deep dish pizza topped with arugula, sundried tomatoes and onions, hot dogs with ketchup and relish, Chipotle burrito with a little bit of brown rice, a little bit of black beans, chicken, veggies, sour cream, cheese, pico de gallo, corn salsa, and lettuce, MIXED TOGETHER, chips on the side, Thai yellow curry with chicken, Thai pineapple curry with shrimp, Pad Thai with shrimp and/or chicken and extra lime

Post-Dinner Snack:

Beignets, French fries with ketchup, Keebler Fudge Stripes, sour cream & onion, sea salt & vinegar, and/or cheddar potato chips, Native American frybread

Dinner #2:



Croissant bread pudding (optional to include chocolate and/or cherries), Ben & Jerry’s Banana Split, Mint Chocolate Cookie, and/or Chunky Monkey ice cream in a waffle cone, salted caramel gelato in a waffle cone, Haagen Dazs Mint Chip ice cream in a waffle cone, Thrifty Circus Animal Cookie ice cream (yep, that’s right–the ice cream from Rite Aid I AM NOT ASHAMED) in a waffle cone, Cold Stone Creamery sweet cream ice cream with raspberries in a waffle bowl, and/or at least one entire frozen Sara Lee pound cake

Post-Dessert Dessert:

Banana, peanut butter & chocolate and/or neapolitan milkshake, frozen custard (any flavor I’m not picky) in a cake cone, coconut macaroons, warm, chewy & giant chocolate chip, sugar, gingerbread, or snickerdoodle cookie (option to be topped with vanilla, coffee, cinnamon, coconut, or sweet cream ice cream)

Pre-Bedtime Snack:

Frozen yogurt (any flavor except the tart/fruit/sorbet-ish ones let’s be real) topped with Reese’s Pieces, mochi, waffle cone bits, chocolate-drizzled coconut macaroons, circus animal cookies, mini Hershey’s kisses, blackberries, strawberries, chocolate sprinkles, Reese’s peanut butter cups, bits of Twix & Snickers, and drizzled with caramel, milk hot chocolate with homemade, preferably heart-shaped marshmallows and whipped cream, banana pudding from Magnolia Bakery, chocolate pretzel Special K bars, sweet corn fritters, Rice Krispies Treats, hummus & warm pita, lots of shame

AND REPEAT. (#youcantellihaventputmuchthoughtintothis #haveIsufficientlygrossedyououtyet?)

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