We’re sort of approaching the Halloween season (not really but I couldn’t think of anything else to write about), but in any case, isn’t it always better to be prepared for things ahead of time (just kidding, procrastination is my religion). But whatever, we’re here so we might as well discuss Halloween costume ideas. Here are my suggestions for you.
1. You are what you eat
So in our case, this could be one of three things: bacon, donuts, or pizza.
2. A piece of shit
For inspiration, reference your middle school choir director, last 3 bedfellows, or any of your neighbors.
3. A stop sign
Because if we could choose to be anything other than human, this would be it. Our favorite thing to do is to tell people to stop. You’re pouring your heart out to me? Stop. You’re driving in front of me and have a “My child is an honor student at [No One Gives a Fuck] High School”? Stop it. Oh please, DO tell about your relationship woes–just keep talking and talking and talking about yourself, I can’t get enough. NOT–ready, set, STOP.
4. Your mom
Not yours, but the universal “your mom.” Use your discretion to interpret this one. But please just try to be as stereotypical, offensive and judgmental as possible.
If there’s one thing we know, it’s booze. Put that expertise to use.
6. The middle finger
7. Your pet
AKA your soul mate, life partner, love of your life. Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. Maybe then they’ll love you as much as you love them (unlikely, but a girl can dream).
8. A priest
Could there be a more logical choice in costume? I mean, they’re always trick or treating with children anyways.
9. Someone taking a vow of silence
The perfect excuse to ignore people and not have to talk to them! WE’VE BEEN WAITING ALL YEAR FOR THIS.
10. Zac Efron
HAHAHAHAH just kidding you don’t have the abs for that. Now, Seth Rogen, on the other hand, we can do. We’ll knock that shit OUT OF THE PARK. The resemblance is uncanny.
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