Be still my heart

This person is my soulmate

When your Internet ads are 👌

When a random guy at a bar

buys you an unsolicited shot and proceeds to tell you that “you need to stop trying so hard to try” and that “you suck at life”

 

Barista: “Did I hear you say you hope you get hit by a bus?”

Me:

Considering tracking down my old prison stalker

Maybe he’ll text me back.

Me: Can someone tell how often I view their Instagram?

…. and Facebook …. and Twitter?

Siri:

It wouldn’t be a Saturday night

if I didn’t wake up on Sunday wanting to crawl into a hole and die.

#oranyothernightoftheweekforthatmatter

Subverting gender norms ALL day.

#thisiswhathappenswhenyouputmeinchargeoftheofficebathroomkeys

Me when I try to talk to a guy.

#Knope