As Featured on News Cult: How to Boost Your Mood

Our mood is perpetually bad. We hate everything, and with good reason. But, we’re stuck here, so we may as well try not to be miserable 24/7. Enter: mood boosting. A technique we use to delude ourselves into feeling a little less bad for a little while. Here’s how to do it.

Sleep

I find that sleep is the solution to every problem. Got too much to do? Sleep. Sick? Sleep. You’re unlovable? Sleep. Throw. in. the. to. wel. You’ll be less cranky the more you sleep. Mostly because you’ll have to spend less minutes in the day facing the sad pathetic reality that is your life and the terrible people who surround you. #here’stobeingunconscious

Change up your routine

You know what puts you in a bad mood? The same old bullshit drudgery of the day-to-day. So do something different. I don’t care if that means buying a different scent of deodorant (“powder” is only “fresh” for so long you feel me?), taking off on an unplanned road trip in the middle of your workday, or telling your company’s receptionist to blow you—just give yourself a jolt of newness. Something to upset the status quo and pointlessness that you live alldayeveryday.

Take a bath

Baths are such refuge—a place to escape physical & mental distress. Baths are like safe zones, where nothing exists—everything just vanishes and you become weightless. It’s really too bad you ever have to get out. I hate to make the womb reference, but I’m gonna go there—we can fuck with the womb. It’s when we leave it that everything goes south. #it’salldownhillfromthere #oruphill? #becausedownhilliseasy #uphilliswhattakeseffort #eventhoughupisgenerallythedirectionassociatedwithpositivity #butlikeforrealcansomebodyclarifythatsaying

Listen to music, watch TV or a movie

Good music is king. Or watch a funny TV show. Live in someone else’s world for a while. #areyounoticingapattern #ifyou’renotgoingtoletusdoheroinwe’regoingtoneedothermeansofescape

….. Exercise?

I mean…. because.. science? Ugh it’s so hard to try to act like I believe in exercise. Frankly I don’t care if it produces good end results. Like, the journey isn’t worth it for real. Fuck endorphins, man, all you need is Skittles and chocolate milk.

Do something just purely for fun

Do something that’s not stressful, but just plain hedonistic. Whether that’s riding a roller coaster, coloring with your BAMF metallic colored pencils, playing Cards Against Humanity, having not-terrible sex (#istheresuchathing), eating something delicious, skydiving, looking at pictures of tween Drake for 3 hours, starting a Twitter war with Deborah Messing, or reading Hillary Clinton’s emails, just revel in it.

Medication

I’m not a pill-pusher, but life is hard enough—add to that serious mood swings or depression, and then it’s just like BYE. If medication actually helps you, go for it. Plus, you’ll become BFFs with your pharmacist—NO ONE will experience your ups and downs quite like him. #andnoonewillknowhowmanyyeastinfectionsyougetquitelikehim #that’struefriendship

Volunteer

Doing good makes you feel good. Also being around those less fortunate than you snaps you out of your privileged malaise. Or, if you want to do bourg-y volunteering, then hang with some puppies. If puppies don’t boost your mood then you should probably just kill yourself.

Go outside

Get some fresh air, or, if you’re in a place like LA, inhale the disgustingly polluted and toxic smog that surrounds you! Rain or shine, just soak it in, take some deep breaths, and remember that you can always leave wherever or whatever is putting you in a bad mood and get back to nature. That is, until climate change destroys it, the sun explodes and engulfs us, and we all burn to a crisp.

Featured on News Cult: http://newscult.com/9-things-will-really-boost-mood/

As Featured on News Cult: How to Save Money by Eating In

Eating out is so much easier than eating in. It requires no effort on your part and yields much better-tasting results. However, it’s also much more expensive than eating in. Which means we can’t afford to do it more often than not. So here are some tips for making eating in easier and more appealing, which will help you save that (aka, “dat”) money.

Microwave

The microwave is your best friend. Jury’s out on whether you should stand in front of it while it’s on, but other than the fact that it could give you cancer, it’s your best resource! Now, a lot of microwavable food is disgusting. So you have to choose wisely. I’ve found that, overall, Trader Joe’s selection of food for people who are alone in life heat-and-serve options is pretty on point. I’m also a fan of Amy’s. Plus, you can make things in the microwave that aren’t pre-packaged, also. E.g., pop a tortilla in there with some cheese and BAM—quesadilla. Pop a tortilla in there with some PB&J and BAM—PB&J-adilla. Pop some tortilla chips in there with black beans, salsa, and shredded cheddar layered in between and BAM—nachos. And it’s not just tortilla-related items you can make from scratch in the m-wave (we have nicknames for each other), but you can also throw in a sweet potato so you can tell your mom you ate a vegetable when she calls. #adulthood

Food that requires minimal-to-no prep

There’s lots of food that comes ready to eat, in case you’re feeling lazy, which you are, always. Like most fruits and veggies, cheese, hummus, crackers, bread, nuts, dried fruits, granola bars, etc. You can basically make yourself a picnic out of options like this. It will feel very European (especially if you add wine and ride around on a bicycle with a baguette sticking out of your messenger bag). This type of eating in is basically snacking all day, which is my personal favorite. Who doesn’t love snacks!? I bet even Jeffrey Dahmer loved snacks. Ok bad example.

And if by some stroke of luck, you feel like you can put in a bit of effort to your meal-making, there are still lots of options on the easier side. Like steel cut oats (if you get the quick-cooking kind, you only have to boil and then simmer them for 2-5 min—I like to add raisins, honey, and walnuts), smoothies (throw in some frozen fruit, yogurt, juice or almond/soy milk and you’re good to go! If you’re the person who adds leafy greens, crawl into a hole and die.), yogurt with granola, cereal, heat up some pre-made soup, pasta with olive oil and salt, eggs any way, etc. The world is your mother fucking oyster.

Try cooking

I know, I know. It’s so hard. But it can be kind of fun sometimes. Plus, if it turns out badly, you can just blame the recipe. Try to find some cookbooks that look interesting, and just have a go at it. Or, better yet, take a cooking class, where you’ll meet arguably the world’s most annoying segment of people. And, good news is, if you’re single, most recipes are for people who are loved multiple servings, so you’ll have lots of leftovers, extending one meal into four or five (or probably just one, but hey, we tried to try!).

Make your own coffee

You’ll save so much money if you don’t buy coffee or tea out! If you’re like me and you’re the sole reason Starbucks is still in business, it’s time to invest in a coffeemaker at home. And hopefully your office has a decent one, but if not, it’s worth it to bring your own there as well (but don’t be a dick and get the super eco-unfriendly Keurig or Keurig-adjacent machines). If you must, buy an espresso machine that can make all the fancy drinks. Worst comes to worse (or however the fuck that saying goes), get a not-completely-shitty brand of instant coffee for emergencies (where there’s a will, there’s hot water). And I find that keeping some simple creamer or milk and sugar on hand does just fine. Plus, if you’re a fan of flavorings, you can buy bottles of all of those syrups, regular and sugar-free, at most grocery stores or online.

Bring lunch to work

Don’t fall into the trap of eating out every day. It’s such a money-suck. Yes, I’m aware that all of your co-workers do it, but I’m also aware that they’re morons. Use any of the above methods of preparing your own food, and then just throw it into Tupperware that you can easily bring with you to work. I honestly loathe people who say they “meal prep” for the entire week on Sundays, but the idea of getting the next day’s lunch ready at least the night before isn’t completely terrible. If only because it affords you a few more minutes to sleep in the morning (in Sleep’s name we pray, amen), and prevents you from being able to use the “I don’t have time to make my lunch” excuse as you rush out the door (#butreally #don’ttrytoactlikeyoucareaboutbeingontimetowork #please).

If you leave your office during the day

Whether to go on a walk at lunch, just get some fresh air, drop something in the mail, or whatever, don’t bring your wallet, so that even if you want to stop somewhere and buy a snack or lunch or coffee, etc., you can’t. #becausewehavenowillpower #adulthoodonfleek

Featured on News Cult: http://newscult.com/adulting-save-money-eating/

As Featured on News Cult: The Best Picnic Foods

#dreampicnictbh #swoon

Picnics are great. Because they involve food. You can do them with people or by yourself (you don’t need anyone, you eat alone all the time! Literally–you’re eating at all times. Usually solo.). You don’t even have to go outside–have one on your floor! This is where you’re usually eating alone anyways!

Here are the best things to stock your picnic basket with.

Alcohol


The most important food group.

Cheese

Also the most important food group.

Salads, of the Pasta and Potato Varieties

The only kinds of salad we’ll be eating.

Bread

An entire loaf or three will do.

Chipotle

It never hurts to throw a Quesarito in there.

Cake

Pretty sure Marie Antoinette was talking about picnics.

Bread Pudding

This will be your second bread course.

Cheesecake

We’re mixing and matching, people! Don’t limit yourselves!

Fruit

In the form of ice cream. Or pie.

Hot dogs

You can never have enough hot dogs. Plus like they’re just so American. If you don’t picnic with hot dogs, 9/11 is your fault.

Featured on News Cult: http://newscult.com/?p=68116

When you see a homeless man outside CVS as you’re walking in

and decide to get him a snack, but want to get him something that’s at least sort of nutritional while still being somewhat enjoyable, so you buy him honey roasted peanuts and a peanut butter chocolate chip Clif bar, but then he doesn’t want them so you offer them to the next homeless man you see and he doesn’t want them either, so you ask the third homeless man you encounter if he wants them, and he doesn’t either, so you think “did I go overboard on the peanuts? Or maybe it’s just me…” and take the snacks home and resolve to find a homeless person who wants them later, and then you go out for your friend’s birthday that night and get drunk and come home and pour the bag of peanuts into your mouth and start eating the Clif bar and think “this is gross, I don’t even WANT this” but of course keep eating it anyway while also thinking “this was supposed to be for a HOMELESS person” and attempting to respond to unexpected drunk texts from your ex with the tact and grace of a unicorn.