As Featured on News Cult: Why I’m Not Voting for Hillary Clinton, Even if She Wins the Nomination

Pick your jaws up off the floor, fellow liberal minds, and before you accuse me of treason, hear me out. I’ve already explained why I’m voting for Bernie Sanders. But, perhaps what is more important, is why I will not vote for Hillary Clinton, even if she ends up winning the Democratic nomination. Why? Let me count the ways…

She is a warmonger

She voted for the Iraq War, and we all know how well that turned out. Regarding her vote, she has said: “I thought I had acted in good faith and made the best decision I could with the information I had. And I wasn’t alone in getting it wrong.” I’m not sure I’ve ever heard such a childish attempt at excusing “one of the worst foreign policy blunders in the history of the United States,” as Bernie Sanders—who, with the same information as Clinton, voted no on the same war—aptly calls the Iraq War, (in no small part because it resulted in the loss of hundreds of thousands of innocent lives).

Additionally, Clinton’s disastrous intervention and push for regime change in Libya, which she asserts was justified based on the unsubstantiated claim that Gaddafi was going to massacre the people of Benghazi, resulted in the irreparable “postwar chaos that’s left Libya without a functioning government, overrun by feuding warlords and extremist militants.” But rather than recognize or admit to the deadly consequences of her actions in Libya, Clinton has opted instead to betray her militaristic nature by saying things like, “We came, we saw, he died,” about the killing of Gaddafi.

And as if that wasn’t enough, Clinton wants to force yet another regime change in Syria by ousting Assad, which is an inherently flawed plan, and her proposal for a ‘no-fly’ zone in Syria is tantamount to declaring war against Syria and Russia.

Plus, the cherry on top: she is advised on foreign policy by the same firm that advises Ted Cruz and Marco Rubio—GOP candidates who both expressed “understanding” for Donald Trump’s bigoted proposal to ban Muslims from the U.S.

She is a liar

For example, in the Democratic presidential debate in New Hampshire on December 19 , 2015, Clinton claimed that Bernie Sanders’ proposed single-payer healthcare system would cost the U.S. government “$18 to $20 trillion.” This is a lie. In fact, Sanders’ proposal would save nearly $5 trillion dollars over 10 years.

In the same debate, Clinton claimed that only “3% of [her] donations come from people in the finance and investment world” and she has “more donations from students and teachers than [she does] from people associated with Wall Street.” This is, at best, an untruth aimed at misleading voters into thinking she’s not in Wall Street’s pocket, but rather is an ally to the working class, the average man, the 99%. In fact, Wall Street has contributed more than double 3% of her campaign funds. Additionally, Clinton has received about $2.5 million in itemized campaign contributions from the securities, investments, and commercial banking industries (i.e. “Wall Street”), plus more than $3.5 million in contributions by Wall Street to Super PACs that back her. On the other hand, she’s only received $747,493 “from those who self-identified as ‘students,'” and “those who said they were “teachers” have provided $518,495.” (Contrast this with Sanders, who has gotten record-breaking numbers of individual donations, averaging less than $30 each).

Additionally, in Sunday’s Democratic debate, Clinton essentially blamed Bernie Sanders’ for the 2008 economic crash as a consequence of the passing of the Commodity Futures Modernization Act (CFMA)—a bill which was signed into law by Hillary’s husband, then-President Bill Clinton, one month before he left office, and of which, as Robert Scheer writes, “a key author was Gary Gensler, the former Goldman Sachs partner recruited by Clinton to be undersecretary of the treasury… Today, Gensler is the top economic adviser to Hillary Clinton’s presidential campaign.”

She is inconsistent

Clinton seems to vote according to trends. Again, she voted for the Iraq War like a teen would excuse his underage drinking: ‘well everyone else was doing it!’—and now that it’s popular to denounce it, she does so. But apparently not one to learn from her mistakes, she made sure to leave her mark as secretary of state with Libya, which was essentially her Iraq. She’s also gone back and forth on supporting gay marriage. It’s fair to say the one thing she has not flip-flopped on over the years is her loyalty to bad pantsuits and that tacky haircut.

She is corrupt with greed

Not only does Hillary have an affinity for Wall Street and Super PACs, but, according to Forbes, her net worth is $45 million—and, of course, the two are not unrelated—between 2013 and 2015, she made over $2.9 million by making 12 speeches to big banks. And the lengths she will go in the name of greed don’t stop there: she also approved increases in weapons sales to Clinton Foundation donors. To top it off, she was a “proud” member of the Walmart board of directors for 6 years—arguably one of the most corrupt corporations, renowned for its poor, not to mention illegal, treatment of workers and child laborers.

In contrast, Bernie Sanders, whose net worth is estimated by Forbes at $700k, denounces Super PACs, has gotten only $47,187 in campaign contributions from Wall Street, and is intent on breaking up the big banks and their “greed and corruption that led to the 2008 financial crisis.” It seems to me that as a ‘public servant,’ an elected official’s job is to spend his or her career attempting to better the lives of the public, not amassing private, excessive wealth.

Considering all of these facts, I cannot in good conscience vote for Hillary Clinton. I hear a lot of people say it’s better to vote for her than a Republican—the idea being that “liberal”/Democrat, in any form, is better than “conservative”/Republican. But that kind of bandwagoneering is exactly what politicians and the media rely on to sway our votes. They’re counting on the fact that we won’t look past Hillary’s socially liberal shell and dig deeper into the truth of who she is and what she really represents. They’re banking on the fact that because popular celebrities like Kim Kardashian, Amy Schumer, and Lena Dunham have recklessly, irresponsibly, publicly endorsed Clinton, we are going to mindlessly follow in their footsteps. They’re relying on the female vote for Hillary—because it would be un-feminist not to. 

Well fuck that. By that logic, it would be racist not to vote for Ben Carson, the raging psychotic bag of shit that he is. Fuck the lesser of two evils argument—why vote for any evil? If we don’t take stands as matters of principles, we are sending the message that we are complicit. And I am not complicit in what Hillary Clinton represents.

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As Featured on News Cult: 8 Books You Should Read

I’m no scholar, but I’m basically a scholar, so I think it’s my place to tell you what books to read. Also just to read, period. Get the fuck off your phones and your iPads and pick up an actual book. Really, your obsessive dependence on technology bores me.

Here are the books you need to read in your lifetime if you want to consider your existence not a complete waste.

1. The Bible

Starting out strong. It’s important to read about how to sell your daughter into slavery and stuff.

2. Lord of the Flies

Especially important to read this as a child–so much to be learned from the part when all the kids gang up on the boy they call “Piggy” and steal his glasses before pushing him off a cliff. Also The Hunger Games ripped this the fuck off–this is the OG; the real deal.

3. He’s Just Not That Into You

Because he isn’t. Lean In to that, ladies.

4. Through my Eyes, Tim Tebow’s Memoir

If only it were a postmortem biography… You get to learn all about how his mom was so God-fearing that she gave birth to TT despite the fact that the pregnancy endangered her life, because she’d rather die than have an abortion, obviously, and look how it turned out–she practically birthed an angel–God must have rewarded her piety by bestowing upon her child great football-related talents along with a marvelous level of ignorance and general douchebagery. If you’re lucky like me, your grandma will be obsessed with him and she’ll get you a copy for Christmas and then you’ll have to put it on your shelf so she won’t be offended, and you’ll feel a little guilty because when she starts to get dementia, you’ll silently be thankful that you can take the book off the shelf and she won’t care because she won’t remember she got it for you.

5. Elixir by Hilary Duff

I think we can all agree we should be reading any book by Lizzie McGuire.

6. The Catcher in the Rye

But seriously though. And fuck your freshman English teacher–he’ll say that Holden Caulfield is crazy, and he’ll be wrong. NOPE, he’s the crazy one, and so are all your stupid classmates who agree with him, good-for-nothing vapid lemming motherfuckers.

7. Etiquette by Emily Post

I mean…

•”If you would be thought a person of refinement, don’t nudge or pat or finger people. Don’t hold hands or walk arm-about-waist in public. Never put your hand on a man, except in dancing and in taking his arm if he is usher at a wedding or your partner for dinner or supper. Don’t allow anyone to paw you.”

•”It is not considered a triumph to have many love affairs, but rather an evidence of stupidity and bad taste.” [Translated into modern language: “Don’t be a ho.”]

•”Every one supposes that lovers kiss each other, but people of good taste wince at being forced to play audience at love scenes which should be private. Furthermore, such cuddling gives little evidence of the deeper caring—no matter how ardent the demonstration may be.” [She makes some great points..]

8. It Hurts When I Poop!

Can we talk about how it looks like the giraffe/dinosaur is fucking him? And the boat and duck are watching, giddy with pleasure? I mean if this isn’t kiddie porn, then I’m not sure what is. I’d like to have a discussion with Howard J. Bennett to ask him just what exactly he was thinking. So, in sum, this is a great read for book clubs–it stimulates discussion.

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As Featured on News Cult: 5 Reasons Why You Should Study Abroad

I’m a firm believer that if you have the opportunity and means to study abroad in college, you should. Here are my top 5 reasons why.

1. Travel

You get to kill so many birds with one stone by studying abroad. It’s really just an excuse to see the world. It should just be called “Abroad,” because you’re not going to be doing much studying. Especially if you go somewhere in Europe, since the rest of Europe is so easily accessible once you’re already in one of its countries. Traveling is good for the soul–it broadens your experience, and consequentially, your mind. It shows you that the whole world doesn’t think, act, dress, speak like wherever you’re from. It opens your eyes to diversity, and that’s an important thing if you don’t want to be an asshole. #Characterbuilding

2. People

You are going to meet so many people and make great lifelong friends. And, most importantly, people from different places. You’re never going to have access to such a diverse crowd of people your age ever again. And, if you’re American, this means, most importantly, you’re going to date so many men who are 1000x sexier, smarter, funnier, more considerate, and more insightful than American men. #Priorities

3. Food & Booze

Perhaps the most important perk of studying abroad, you’re going to eat and drink so much great food and alcohol that’ll be new to your palette. Again, this will be most impactful if you’re American–there’s a reason the rest of the world isn’t dying of obesity–they’re not shoving their pie holes with processed junk food. They’re savoring their food, which is often homemade with fresh ingredients and love. That said, still a firm believer in shoving your pie hole with processed junk food–just allow yourself another type of culinary experience for 6 months–3 AM fast food emotional eating runs will still be here for you when you get back. #Thereisnocomfortquitelikeaburgerandfries #Andamilkshake

4. Education

Okay, okay, I admit the education factor is at least marginally important. Taking classes at a university that’s different from what you’re used to is really fascinating. It’s eye-opening to see how other countries treat education. You’ll learn so much you otherwise wouldn’t, not least of which is about the education systems in other parts of the world. And, again, if you’re American, hopefully you’ll be able to prove to your classmates and peers abroad that we’re not all complete idiots–yes, most of us are, but there are a few who are willing to learn from and listen to non-American points of view and aren’t narrow-minded lemmings. #UndoingtheworkofGeorgeWBush #ActuallyundoingtheworkofvirtuallyallAmericanpoliticians #ThankyouMr.Presidents

5. Culture

This encapsulates all of the above factors and is super broad, but I can’t stress the importance of experiencing other cultures enough. Not just the food, alcohol, people, and education, but everything–transportation, healthcare, interpersonal customs, music, dance, art, and so on. You’ll gain an understanding of how other cultures operate firsthand, and will probably end up incorporating some of their traditions into your own life, if not even deciding to try to move wherever you studied/traveled permanently. Most importantly, you’ll get to refer to yourself as “cultured” in conversation with people. #Douchebagsintraining

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