It’s happening, guys. Make no mistake about it—you’re not going to die alone, you already are. So, to quote the infallible Paris Geller, “Find a ledge, or a way to deal.”
Here’s how to come to terms with the fact that you’re dying alone. #settlein #denyyourfatenolonger
Make great companions. Stockpile them. Also
They’re the only beings who won’t just not actively despise you, but they might even like, or dare I say, love, you a little bit (it’s beyond any logic or reason. It literally makes no sense. It’s a miracle frankly. So just STFU and be thankful).
Fill your home with them, because it’s not like that space is going to be used for possessions belonging to a significant other, or children, or any other consenting companion. Plus, they’ll tell tales of a better life—one you won’t ever have, but can fantasize about while you spend the endless alone time you have reading. And crying. And cry-reading.
The only constant relationship in your life. Sure, you have to pay out the ass for it, but at least it will also foster the relentless reminder that you have nothing and no one, and need to accept that. Don’t worry, though—you can deny that fact, because it’ll still be there waiting to confront you in therapy next week. And the following week. Not the one after that, because your therapist has a family vacation to Hawaii, but definitely the one after that.
Give up hope
Of ever finding “the one.” SPOILER ALERT: HE/SHE DOESN’T EXIST. No amount of Tinder swipes is going to change that.
Pick up a hobby
Knitting, scrapbooking, alcoholism—whatever it is that takes your mind off of your eternal solitude. [Of course if you pick scrapbooking, you’ll just be filling binders with selfies].
It’ll distract you from the sad truth of your isolation, plus it’s helping people less fortunate (believe it or not, there are more unfortunate people than you), annnnnd it’s a way of
forcing your company on others socializing!
Featured on News Cult: http://newscult.com/accept-youre-dying-alone/