Tag: stress

As Featured on News Cult: How to Make the Most of Your Free Time

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For most of us, there’s a pretty clear distinction when it comes to “free time”: it’s time we get to spend doing whatever we want, free of any obligations (especially work). If  you’re one of those fuckers who loves their job, then perhaps the line is a bit blurrier and free time less precious to you. But for the rest of us, it’s like coffee, or alcohol, or justice, or a green arrow on a left turn: there is never enough of it. Which is why you have to make the most of it. Here’s how.

Focus

Something we are terrible at. But if you make an intentional choice (yes, this is something a yoga teacher would say, and thus something we would normally mock mercilessly, but just bear with me) to make your free time just about free time, not about any obligations, you’ll get more out of it. Otherwise, what’s the point? If you’re going to watch a TV show you like, or get a massage, or go on vacation while also answering emails, calls and texts non-stop the whole time, you may as well just turn the TV off, skip the massage, and stay at the office. The ‘conscious effort’ methodology is great for us not just because it will help us truly enjoy our free time, but also because it’s a totally valid excuse to tell everyone to fuck off, which is our favorite thing. #allIwantforChristmasisforyoutofuckoff

Plan ahead

If you’re bad at carving out free time, plan ahead to use it. E.g. schedule a vacation a few months in advance, or buy tickets for a show you really want to see right when they go on sale, or promise a friend you’ll take that hike with them next weekend. While we are spectacular at cancelling plans, if we make them, at least that’s a bit more motivation to follow through on our free time-enjoyment efforts. Which brings me to…

Have skin in the game

If you set it up so that you have something to lose by not enjoying your free time, you’ll be more likely to take advantage of it. Like if you spend money on flights for a vacation, you’re unlikely to cancel them. Or if you know that you’ll have to pay for your massage after it’s over, you’ll make more of an attempt to really relax and benefit from it. This is sad of course, because it means we are motivated by money, but that’s what we get for building a capitalistic society. If I had it my way, we’d all still be trading: you give me a goat, I’ll give you some clay beads; you give me a smallpox blanket, I’ll give you your scalp on a fucking platter.

Be selfish

Allow yourself to look out for #1. I’m not saying be like most people and dwell in assholic narcissism, but just that you can enjoy the little things in life and still be a decent human. Remember, as a yoga teacher would also say and make us want to smack them in their fat mouth: in order to help and take care of others, you first have to care for yourself.  As Donna Meagle, our collective spirit animal, says, “treat yo’ self.”

Find something you like

I know, this is impossible. But maybe there’s something out there in the world you mildly, tepidly enjoy doing, which will be a good use of your free time. Like, for me, it’s crusading against insurance companies. All of them. Just tornadoing right the fuck through them. For you, it might be quilting, or walking your dog. For Hillary Clinton, it’s committing war crimes. Whatever ruins the most lives in the name of money and power floats your boat, right?

Remember no one is going to do it for you

I cannot reiterate enough that no👏one👏gives👏a👏shit👏a👏bout👏you👏. If the world had its way, you’d be its slave forever, never getting any free time. No one is going to ensure your life is enjoyable and that you relish your free time for you. It’s on you, boo. It’s like oxygen masks on planes—every man, woman and child for himself. #everyoneelsecanchokeanddie

Featured on News Cult: http://newscult.com/make-free-time/

 

As Featured on News Cult: How to Not Procrastinate

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Umm…. I don’t know how to not procrastinate since I do it all the time. It’s weird—if I don’t feel pressure to meet a deadline, I don’t feel satisfied once I’ve done it. So procrastination is kind of the only way for me to feel a sense of accomplishment. And being able to use the time you spend putting something off on stuff you enjoy doing is nice too. Like, sure, I could work on my taxes piecemeal throughout the year, but I’d rather spend my time doing other things, so why not devote just a couple nights right before April 15 to devolving into psychosis, instead of the entire year?

But I guess I can see the point—if you don’t procrastinate, you might not actually devolve into psychosis. Yeah, you’ll have to dedicate smaller increments of your free time upfront to something, but in the end, you’ll save time and your sanity. So maybe it’s worth a shot. Here are some ideas for how to not procrastinate.

push the deadline up

Give yourself a tighter deadline than is actually necessary, so you’ll still feel the pressure that it takes to motivate you to get something done, but you’ll get it done early. This is essentially still procrastinating, but in, like, a meta way… Forced procrastination to avoid real procrastination. #reversepsychologizingourselvestothefinishline

Take yourself to the dark place

The place of utter despair and panic you go to when you’re scrambling to get something done. Force yourself to sit in that mental space for 20 minutes, which should be enough to scare you out of ever going there again. It’s easy to forget how terrible the procrastination-induced rush to get something done is when you’ve had time and space away to block it from your memory, but when you’re deep in the throes of it, it’s bad. Like, Amanda Bynes, bad. So if you can remind yourself of that, you’ll save yourself a lot of agony and bad body piercing decisions.

reward yourself

For not procrastinating. Because, like dogs, we will do something with enthusiasm and vigor if we get a treat for it. In other words, like Hillary Clinton, we can be bought. Vow to get a massage after you finish your big work presentation one whole day before it’s due (MIND.BLOWING!). Or tell yourself you can’t go get a cup of coffee until you respond to that email in a timely manner (don’t FUCK with our coffee). Or allow yourself one hour of Instagram-trolling for every task you successfully complete ahead of schedule. #whateverittakes

PACK YOUR SCHEDULE

So that it’s virtually impossible for you to procrastinate. If you do, your whole world will fall apart (I mean like what else is new but still). #nothinglikesettingyourselfupforfailure

make a schedule

I hate myself so much for saying this, but maybe (emphasis on MAYBE) it’s worth making a schedule so that you can plan how to feasibly get things done without waiting until the last minute? I’m not saying we all need to start using white boards with color-coordinated sticky note systems and become mini-van driving, pastel- and khaki-wearing, bowl-cut sporting freaks. But just like plot a course for yourself. We’re basically Magellan. Or Christopher Columbus. Minus the raping and pillaging. #notrapingandnotpillagingourselvestothefinishline

be realistic

If you know you’re going to procrastinate on something, don’t take it on in the first place. Yes, some things are unavoidable and require time management (another phrase that makes me want to vom), but you also can choose to pursue things or not (or, if you’re a millionaire, you just choose not to do the required things like taxes anyways. #1%doesn’tgiveaFUCK). And given our propensity for laziness and procrastination, it’s probably best to avoid committing to as many elective things as possible. Some may see this technique as defeatist, but I’m just being real. Like, are we going to actually read the books when we join a book club and be prepared to participate in the discussions? No. We’re just joining for the free food. So cut the book club and find your complimentary refreshments elsewhere, somewhere you’ll fit in with your dysfunction and lack of self-control. Like an AA meeting. #thoseareyourbrethren

Featured on News Cult: http://newscult.com/how-to-not-procrastinate/