Let’s first have a moment of silence to mourn the fact that we have to be at a desk and, now that you mention it, work, too. Who invented work? I would like to send that person a strongly-worded email. But since we apparently have to go to our jobs and spend each day at a desk, we might as well have everything we could ever need at our fingertips. Because the last thing we want to do is have to get up and walk to get something–we’re already doing work, is anything ever good enough for you people?!? Here’s what you should keep at your desk at all times.
1. Some form of refrigeration
A mini fridge, cooler, ice pack–whatever you have to do. Where else are we going to store our mid-day snack beers?
2. Snarky post-it notes
People need to be reminded of their place.
3. Candles
For de-stressing and/or burning the place down when it all becomes too much.
4. This
5. Hand sanitizer
Because your co-workers: ew.
6. A wall full of sarcastic art
7. Snacks
It’s best to surround yourself with bowls of candy, bags of chips, and a snow cone machine.
8. Games
I find that it helps to have something to do when on phone calls, like a puzzle, desk bowling set, paper flower-making kit, bouncy ball, coloring book, Jenga–you need something to preoccupy you since you won’t be paying attention to the person on the other end.
9. Only yellow highlighters
You don’t want to be writing in black or blue ink–no, no–that makes other peoples’ lives too easy. Write solely in neon yellow highlighter. Preferably on yellow paper. Better yet, say you’ve written in invisible ink as you hand a blank paper to your boss. “But, Alex, if you’ve written in invisible ink, this memo is useless to me.” “Is it, though, Jerry? Isn’t all that matters that I’ve gotten my ideas out of my head and into the world? Isn’t that what really counts? It’s up to the universe, now, to deal with them as it sees fit. I can’t be expected to manage my genius.”
10. Coffee
Just have an espresso machine next to your computer monitor. While you’re at it, hook yourself up to an IV of coffee and keep the pole stand next to your chair, so in the event of an emergency and you need to move, you can just wheel it along with you as you roll around (obviously your chair has wheels HOW ELSE ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO BE MOBILE?).
11. Golf balls
So you can throw them at people when they approach you, or, god forbid, try to talk to you.
Featured on News Cult: http://newscult.com/?p=51078
I have a deck of cards, Connect Four, and Chutes and Ladders in my closet of an office. Just in case.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I keep a small photo of a sewage treatment facility. It’s good to remind yourself that there are crappier things than your office space. Although the more I stare at the photo, the more I desire a career in waste disposal…. weird.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Haha!!
LikeLike
A-mazing! 😀
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks!
LikeLike
Hahahah. This was too good!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you!
LikeLiked by 1 person
I have found – by actual fact – that having a small cactus growing on your desk can alter conversations with people who sit on the corner of your desk (keep the cactus near the corner, of course). It wasn’t intentional, but is shore do work.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Alphonse!!!!
Darts. To throw at ppl (overlaps with golf balls, but then again, it is important to demonstrate versatility in the workplace).
LikeLiked by 1 person
Hahahahahahahaha
LikeLike
Neon hightligters! You just saved my life!
LikeLiked by 1 person
I was thinking a maze in front of your desk, that only if you make it through can you talk to me. Of course all they have to do is remove one of the ropes to get in, but of course they aren’t smart enough, because they are my co-worker.s
LikeLiked by 1 person
LOLing!!! lololol that is GENIUS and AMAZING and we MUST DO IT IMMEDIATELY
LikeLike
It would be the best deterrent ever. And I know others would buy our impressive maze.
LikeLiked by 1 person
You are just FULL of perfect business ideas.
LikeLike
And you are just full of writing ideas.
LikeLiked by 1 person