As Featured on News Cult: The Best Things About Fall

Fall is upon us. Which means lots of good things. Namely:

1. More excuses to stay inside

And do nothing. This, obviously, is the sole purpose of cold weather. Of course we do this year round anyways, but when fall rolls around, we dare people to tell us we’re depressed and need to get out more and we should try exercising! and maybe need to see someone about this and this isn’t normal and why don’t we get out of bed it’s a little concerning.

2. Warm beverages

Cider, pumpkin spice lattes, hot chocolate, hot toddy’s, Everclear in your morning coffee–you name it!

3. Halloween

A socially acceptable reason to eat a (XL) pillow case of candy.

4. No need to shave our legs

Leggings Pants on leggings pants on leggings pants on leggings pants.

5. Thanksgiving

In other words, an occasion on which to fall into a food coma after consuming endless carbs. Which to us is just a regular Friday night, but on this glorious day we can do it around other people without pretending to worry about their criticisms.

6. Carving pumpkins

Great way to get out your aggression. Like, you get to stab something repeatedly and it’s considered a family-friendly activity.

7. Shorter Days

“Sorry, the sun goes down at 5:30, so I can’t come to your birthday party/dinner/baptism/concert/wedding/bar mitzvah/baby shower/funeral tonight.”

8. Cozy clothes

Translation: sweatpants. Again, nothing new for us, but thanks to the harvest season we have a sturdier defense against other peoples’ judgments.

9. Black Friday

Because you know where the majority of people will be–Walmart, Kmart, all the marts–and therefore where NOT to be.

Featured on News Cult:

9 thoughts on “As Featured on News Cult: The Best Things About Fall

  1. bensbitterblog says:

    So many great things about fall. Socially acceptable to eat too much candy, turkey, drink warm beverages,wear sweatpants or leggings all the time.. be a psycho by asking for free candy, stabbing things… avoiding crowds, like at parties and Black Friday. I thank you for compiling my list of behaviors and allowing them to be acceptable for a season.

    Liked by 3 people

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