Some of you have asked

for an update on Mike, my Starbucks barista/potential lover/BFF/soulmate for all intents and purposes.

Well I haven’t been to Starbucks much recently because I’m trying to be a responsible adult whose life motto is WWSOD? (“What Would Suze Orman Do?”), but I’m sad to report that the past few times I’ve seen him, Mike has given me pretty much nothing but no love. I don’t know what I did, but he barely acknowledges me anymore! In fact, it seems like the few other people in my life I thought Iย  had a good thing going with have suddenly recently also decided they’re just not that into me.

So evidently I’m doing something wrong. I just wish I could figure out what–I don’t think I’ve been acting any differently. Maybe it’s because I’ve gained more than a few love pounds–but for once, they’ve actually gone to my boobs and butt–it’s a Christmas miracle! If anything, you’d think that with the way society’s objectification of women is going, people would love that! And if that’s what Mike’s upset about, I want to be like, “YOU MADE ME THIS WAY.” Or maybe this is just the inevitable trajectory of my lovableness/general ability to make people be able to stand me–just all downward–like the Hot Mess Express taking a nosedive.

20 thoughts on “Some of you have asked

  1. Omgshereallysaidthat says:

    How am I supposed to live vicariously through you? After 10 years in my relationship romance is totally dead. Lol! Although my husband does the same think that Mike does… Here’s a cookie! Let’s get ice cream! Omg make it stop!!! Lol!!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Mindy says:

    Hahaha as always, this was too funny. If things are on the quiet side right now, just wait. I’ve noticed that things always pick up when you’re content and happy being single. Like “Hey, I’m here to fuck shit up!” but from multiple people.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. bensbitterblog says:

    He has no idea what he is missing out on. I guess he doesn’t like super funny people. Speaking of super funny people, you wouldn’t want to drown your sorrows by doing a bitter blog guest post for me would you? That will make you ever more bitter about the whole situation.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. peckapalooza says:

    So I don’t like to post links to YouTube videos in comments on blog posts. But this one might be a good reminder that you may be better off. You deserve someone who will always be able to spell your name correctly.

    Liked by 1 person

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