for an update on Mike, my Starbucks barista/potential lover/BFF/soulmate for all intents and purposes.
Well I haven’t been to Starbucks much recently because I’m trying to be a responsible adult whose life motto is WWSOD? (“What Would Suze Orman Do?”), but I’m sad to report that the past few times I’ve seen him, Mike has given me pretty much nothing but no love. I don’t know what I did, but he barely acknowledges me anymore! In fact, it seems like the few other people in my life I thought I had a good thing going with have suddenly recently also decided they’re just not that into me.
So evidently I’m doing something wrong. I just wish I could figure out what–I don’t think I’ve been acting any differently. Maybe it’s because I’ve gained
more than a few love pounds–but for once, they’ve actually gone to my boobs and butt–it’s a Christmas miracle! If anything, you’d think that with the way society’s objectification of women is going, people would love that! And if that’s what Mike’s upset about, I want to be like, “YOU MADE ME THIS WAY.” Or maybe this is just the inevitable trajectory of my lovableness/general ability to make people be able to stand me–just all downward–like the Hot Mess Express taking a nosedive.